50k?

50 k?

Why would anyone want to run fifty kilometres? And in the desert, no less. Well, me for one.

But why? I think there are many reasons, but the ones I can easily glean for now are these: Firstly, I am competitive. I like to do things others may not have done, or want to do. I like to prove to myself that I am better than last week’s version of myself. Secondly, I do actually love to run. I love how the world moves into focus and becomes clearer and further away at the same time. I love listening to my feet hit the ground; I love the feel of my breath, and the feeling of sweat dripping from everywhere. I love moving through space. Third, my body has disappointed me over the years. I have scars to prove that I wasn’t as strong as I could have been/ wanted to be/ should have been. So now I like to push that same body to chase limits it has never chased before.

This week, I decided I’m going to train for the Grandmaster Ultras that take place in February in Arizona. I looked at the videos of the trail and it looks reasonably terrifying: mile after mile of desert. Then why? Why wouldn’t I be content with my family, my profession (birth attendant), life in general. Does it have to be taken to extremes?

Yep.

First days of training: I’m hugely confident and excited and hugely doubtful and critical both at the same time. Not to jinx, but I really am just a kind of small 66 year old with delusions of grandeur. Small with more shapeliness than I ever had. I used to be more bony, which is good because who wants a bony Granny? And I know my grandson loves to cuddle.

The important thing for me is to stay on track, on a schedule. Today I did hill repeats, where you run up hard and down slower. This schedule idea is completely at odds with the way I lived my life for almost forty years, where my time was at the behest of babies, children, hens, and birthing women. I was on call 24/7 for about twenty years, and could never stick to a plan. But now I find that this task cries out for a plan and discipline keeping to it.

I’m doing strength training too, which is also new for me. I always kept fit carrying large bags of cement, 18 l jerry cans of water, children, bags of flour, stones (building), and all that. But I find the intensity and regularity of strength training is fun and calming.

Life can be so intensely disappointing. It never really works out the way you imagined it: not the little things all the way to the big ones. I’m watching our planet burn this summer and feeling sad. I read about factory farming in gruesome detail the other day in Jonathan Safran Foer’s book “Eating Animals” and I can’t eat them any more, even though when I’m training really hard I could literally take a bite from my dog’s haunch and chow it down. I organized a camping trip for a small group of women but then realized they were all young mothers bringing their kids. I felt like an outsider, and sad, and embarrassed.

But don’t imagine it’s just me labouring under disappointment: we all are. And don’t imagine that I am not also intensely grateful, thankful, and simply joyful to be on this planet with all of you. And that’s what it is: for me, the urge to run fifty kilometres in the desert on a weekend in February opens the possibility to split disappointment down the middle and replace it with joy, victory, satisfaction, and grace.

Italy 2020 Trail Running Retreat

This has been a long time coming. Back in 2003 when I was completely culture shocked by my experience in Montreal, we bought an old ruin of a shepherd's house in Northern Tuscany. It was so cheap we got the money out on our credit cards. 
Here it is, the year after we bought it. Before then you couldn't even see the house.

We went back every summer to build and finally, around 2009, ended up with this:

and we're still building! Last summer we put a roof on the barn - seriously? It's a huge stone structure but we thought we could do it and we did.

I've had a dream about this place for many years, that I want to share it with others and open up this beautiful spot as a retreat centre. We always had volunteers visiting, bartering their skills for board and lodging, so we're used to a crowd... but finally two years ago I hosted a women's healing retreat and it was wonderful!

This year, I am hosting a women's rest and recharge retreat (one spot left!), and for the first time we are hosting a Plant-Based Trail Runners Retreat! 

I am very lucky to have a great coach on board: Coach Kyle coaches runners around the world. He will be offering a one-on-one session with each runner, and of course will lead the daily trail runs and supervise strength work, stretching and other work (gratitude practice, breathing techniques, plant-based nutrition advice). I also have a guest yoga teacher joining us... the one and only Julia Gordon...here is what she has to say: 

"Hello runners and fellow adventurers! I am looking forward to meeting you all in the Tuscan hills!

About me: I completed my Yoga Teacher Training Program at Anamaya Yoga School in Costa Rica in 2016. I discovered my own practice in 2006 while completing a three year contemporary dance program and came to yoga with a passion for expressive movement. Over the years I have found that yoga helps me to maintain a sense of freedom in a fast paced world. By connecting to my body I remember my own strengths and individuality and feel more confident in my place in the world. In my class I’d like to invite people to do the same. During this retreat we can address specific concerns that come up for runners, but also focus on increasing a sense of openness and fluidity in the body in general. I will offer a mix of strength building asana and yin practice, as well as guided visualizations, that will have you up and running through this beautiful Italian landscape."

Our meals will be plant based and abundant. Our menu is designed by the chef at my very own cafe in Montreal, where we serve delicious vegan and vegetarian food. Accommodation is basic and shared, but comfortable and I guarantee you will sleep well. We have a million stars in the sky every night, and a night time silence broken only by the occasional scuffle of the boar roaming in the chestnut groves.

Are you into something different this summer? Challenge yourself! Come along and run with us! Visit us here!

Competition vs Compassion

I had a super fun race last week. It was a 21 k and leading up to it was tough. I ran a half marathon a month ago (Rock'n'Roll Montreal). I didn't have fun, the race organizers were cheap, the route was boring, I was grumpy. No one came down to meet me, greet me, or brunch me. So I decided to get faster for my next one, but I just didn't have time, I had a weight on my shoulders of heavy cares and worries... anyway, I decided to suck it up and last Sunday morning I got up early and headed out to a beautiful spot: Oka National Park.

I got to the race and realized I'd forgotten my earphones! I use music for pleasure, for inspiration, for pace when I'm running. I decided I would take the opportunity to think about things during my race. I divided the 21 k up into 5 k sections and assigned tasks to each section.

First five k: The first five kilometers are tough. I forced myself to be in my body, completely, and to not think; just to feel my body, be conscious of form and breath.

Five to Ten: I allowed myself to think about my writing projects, and to organize things in my head a little. I revisited some thoughts I'd been having about compassion: compassion towards others, and compassion towards oneself. Life has been teaching me that it's important to be grateful for whatever people are capable of doing. Be compassionate, try to see things from their point of view. But recently I've been thinking about applying that to myself: be compassionate towards myself, remember that I am capable of doing what I'm doing. Don't push it. But, if I don't push it, who will? Isn't my goal to be a better person?

Ten to Fifteen: I imagined angels with each step. Angels were flying over to my friend Kimberley's place. She's been my running buddy for a few years, and recently she's been having a struggle with cancer. We're not running together for now, although just a few days before her surgery we went on a lovely 7 k up on the mountain. I digress. Every step produced little angels that I imagined were floating off to Kimberley to do good. I hope they do.

Fifteen to Twenty: was supposed to be Happy Thoughts. I focused on emptying my mind of worries and thinking about fun things. But then, at around kilometer 16, we had a loop back and I passed facing the runners that had been behind me. The 2:30 bunnies were there, good. Also a guy who looked to be about my age. We gave each other a thumbs up. I continued with Happy Thoughts until I realized that Older Dude was gaining on me. By k 18 he was running about three meters behind me. Then two kilometers before the finish line he gained on me and was just about a meter in front of me. I thought to myself, for a microsecond, "Poor old dude, he deserves to get in ahead of me. After all, its not a race..." What??? Yes it is!

At 19 k I started running faster, and faster, until by about 50 meters from the finish line I was well ahead of Older Dude. I crossed the line well ahead of him, happy that I beat him, happy that I sprinted the end of my race.

So, Twenty to Finish Line? Pure, unadulterated competition. It felt good! And, of course, after we picked up our medals, me and Older Dude and his wife shared a high five and a chuckle about how it all went down.