Birth and the Fourth Trimester

With all the fuss and bother these days about where women are going to give birth and what will happen to them when they get there, or if they stay home if they will have competent support, or if they're giving birth on their own if they've prepared enough spiritually to accept whatever may or may not unfold ... with all the conflict and controversy about who is vaccinated and who isn't, and what restrictions have  or haven't been put in place been put in place ... with the removal of the woman from the center of the birth experience and the forgetting of this vital fact ... most importantly, we have forgotten that after the pregnancy and birth, there is usually a baby! 

Many, many women find themselves at home after their baby has been born, without much idea of what to do, what they should do, or how to do it. Personally, I was lucky. I came home after fairly difficult experiences with my hospital births, and the breastfeeding went exceptionally well, and my maternal instincts led the way. But over the years, I've seen that my experience isn't common, and I'm moved now to do as much as I can to teach birth companions and doulas about how to provide care during those important hours, days and weeks after the baby is born.

I'm teaching a course on this important time that will be starting on October 26. That's a Tuesday, and we'll be meeting online every Tuesday evening from five to eight pm EDT for eight weeks. The course covers what we will usually see during these days and weeks; how we can use all six of our senses to care for a new family; we will explore elemental ways of nourishing; we will be taking a good look at the family, the motherbaby dyad, and the newborn mother to truly understand how best to increase pleasure and strength during this seminal time.

Breastfeeding is a big part of many women's experience, so we will learn about that. But it isn't everyone's, so we'll look at other options. We need to learn about how to do proper housewifery: cleaning, cooking, tidying, calming. We will be exploring some uses of herbs and food. I am hoping that the members of our class will bring their own talents to share with us.

Please let me know if you would like to join us!

Blast from the Past

You know when you decide to do some spring cleaning and before you know it you're deep in yesteryear, smiling over some things, scowling at others (how did I ever think that colour suited me?!?) ... well, that happens to me all the time with my writing and I've been doing a cleanup, getting my Doula Program running better (now that it's virtual I have more to play with but less at the same time...).

Anyway one of my most amazing yesteryear memories was the 13 years (2003-2016) that I was honoured to lead the Montreal Birth Companions. If you read StarHawk's Truth or Dare, you will realize why an anarchist such as myself made structural errors in designing an organization, so that when a seismic event like a sexual assault or even a power struggle hit the structure, it crumbled. People don't do well with anarchy in action, and so my beloved MBC died a natural death. BUT when she was alive, she was powerful, strong, and the MBC doulas literally changed so many women's lives with their kindness, skill, love, and caring.

So, here's a trip down memory lane. 

And if you're in the mood, give me a shout and we can start her up again! There are always, always women in need who cannot afford to pay for a doula. This blog post is from 2013:

provides free doula services, prenatal and postpartum support, and resources for refugee, non-status, and other marginalized women in Montreal.

We are in need of birth companions ... please contact me if you are willing and able to devote some time to our worthy cause.
If you are a doula and you can donate one birth every six months to MBC, we would be happy to have you on board!
We are looking especially for birth companions who are fluent in different languages. We would love to have more doulas from our diverse Montreal communities. We welcome everyone who has an open heart and is willing to donate their time and energy.

The women we serve appreciate the companionship, support and kindness that her doula provides. Women come from many backgrounds, walks of life, stories and histories. But the birthing year is the same: we want to give birth to a healthy baby, and we would like to have that experience to be filled with joy. This is not always possible if it is a sad time in the mother's life, but the presence of a birth companion can help spread the love.

We have clients from all around the world. Right now we are serving women from: Algeria, Haiti, St. Vincent, Germany, India, Nigeria, Philippines, Mali, Senegal, Guinee, and Quebec. Next month, we could receive requests from China, Cameroon, Mexico, the US, or Russia ... we never know where our clients will come from or when they will find us. We have had calls from women in their first trimester, and from women in labor!

Many midwifery students try to gain experience as interns in other countries. Volunteering for MBC is a way that doulas and aspiring midwives can gain experience working with women whose cultural attitudes and lives are very different from their own. It is a way that these doulas and aspiring midwives can really understand that the birth experience is universal, and that accompanying a woman in labor transcends language and reaches across boundaries.

photo used with permission

Meconium Happens

The more I live this life, the more I am convinced that the deal is, it is not what happens to you that matters so much, it's how you accept it (or not). I have been to births that have been really challenging and tough, where the woman accepts the labor and is thrilled with the whole experience. I have seen other women fight against labor and birth, one contraction at a time.

Today is December 6, 2020. A day like any other. Except not: it's the anniversary of the day when 14 women were killed by an armed killer.

It's a day when my friend had to go back into hospital. It's a day when thousands of people died from Covid-19.

It's a day when we have to, as always, take the joy from every moment and cherish it. And even when we are full of joy, and all comfy in our enlightenment and entitlement, shit will happen. Meconium does happen. A baby can suffer some small slight and poop. Or a baby can get their cord squeezed so much they poop a lot. Things break down, things break. People break. 

But where there's rupture, there's repair. A body's urge is to health, just as a plant moves towards the light. In the same way, the knowledge of women has always been towards healing. 

We can't do anything to bring those women back to life. But we can speak out against violence every single day. And, unfortunately, in my field (haha no, not in my cafe...in my real field which is maternity care), violence against women is rampant, ugly, and expected. 

What can be done? Well, one thing that's happening is that pregnant women are rising up and saying "No more violence! No more treating me like I'm a child, that I don't have feelings, that I don't know my own body. No more speaking about me as though I'm not present. No more making decisions about my body without my consent. No more doing things to my body without my consent. No more lying to me!" And how are these women doing that? By withdrawing from the hospital system. They are giving birth on their own or with Traditional Birth Companions. 

Another thing that is happening is that doulas are continuing to support women who choose to give birth in the hospital. Or, more importantly, those women who don't actually have the choice and have to give birth in the hospital. Especially these days, it's hard to be a doula. Many hospitals have taken away the birthing woman's right to support by insisting that she choose between her partner and her doula. So doulas are providing companionship and support virtually. 

Medical staff in hospitals in today's world are stressed. They're overworked, tired, and they have all the same concerns on their minds as you or I. Suicide rates are higher for physicians than for the general population, and higher for female doctors than males. The medical system isn't working for anyone.

What can a doula do to relieve everyone's symptoms? Let me be clear: when a doula works to facilitate a mother feeling empowered in a situation where her power can be taken away from her at any minute, we are not talking about getting at the root of the problem. If a birth is an undisturbed birth in a place where the birthing woman is comfortable, safe, and respected, then the doula can do the work of being a doula: easing labour, providing encouragement, seeing to the birthing woman and her family's needs. But if a birth is taking place in an environment where the go-to routine is medication, management and directives then the doula can only provide bandaid measures within a strict and abusive system.

And these bandaid measures can work! Any number of women leave the hospital with their babies feeling joyful, even ecstatic, and satisfied with their care. But a huge number of women leave the hospital hurting.

Is it time to finally step away from an abusive system? What happens to a woman when she has a vision of a natural, normal birth and she arrives at the hospital and things start to go haywire? Is it possible to convince women to stay at home, at least until they are in active labor? What about the woman who feels every contraction, from the very beginning, like torture; the woman who can't separate her labor contractions from an abuse she experienced years ago? What is the role of the doula through this seismic change? What about midwives? Why are midwives still using the words "should" and "allow" when they speak about birth? 

Is it time to Rise Up?

Birth and Scars

As we grow, we absorb big and small shocks to our bodies and souls. We all know where our physical scars are, and we often assign stories to them. I remember when I was skipping school and the knife chose that day to slice my finger, so I had to get myself stitched up without (I dreamed) my mother finding out. I have a little white line on my finger that tells that story.

Some women have bigger scars, on their skin and their muscles, from birthing their babies. I hear these stories often when I am speaking to women about their birth experiences.

Other women have emotional scars that last for years. These scars have a way of aching and burning during pregnancy and birth. The doula can gently assist the woman when she is feeling these aches and pains. Doulas are not therapists so they do not have to probe, suggest, or hypnotize. What they do is provide a non-judgmental ear, if the woman wants to talk. They let her know that she is not alone, that she has support. They also remind her that there are other women who have traveled the same road and survived.

One of my students is accompanying a woman as I write. The woman has been in labor for most of last night and today. She does have emotional scars, and they are hurting. My student has been with her the whole time, supporting and comforting. And even though my student is a very inexperienced doula, she is still providing the essence of what a birthing woman needs. The expertise, medical know-how and scientific facts is not the realm of the doula. She is there with other skills: the skill of touch, listening, compassion, and presence.

With our world changing every day; with our experiences and our innate wisdom challenged every single day; with our routines and habits changing minute to minute, we are starting to see between the lines of our lives. We are starting to look between the cracks; to probe between the layers of darkness that we have been hiding behind. We, as women, are starting to see what has been hidden: that birth is a unique act, unique to women; that women's bodies are exquisitely designed for this task; that a woman births best when she is surrounded by a loving circle of care.

It is wonderful if that circle of care can include someone, an elder perhaps. who know about the vagaries of Mother Nature and her cruel jokes. But if not, chances are that everything will work out fine. And that is better than being treated like a child, when you are bringing forth new life.

So I see women and their partners and their communities going about their lives, far from hospitals and Covid regulations. And it makes me sad that with this huge machinery of health care that we as a society couldn't have created a safe and sacred space for women to birth in; but I understand why that isn't possible. Can you imagine what would happen if the power of womanhood was actually unleashed? 

Think about the biggest wave you've ever seen. Think about the most love you've ever felt. And the most beautiful place you've ever been. Imagine what it would be like if women grew babies in their wombs and birthed them with respect, honour, and love. 

Scars have a way of healing. With healing comes change, and growth. Womanhood has been injured and scarred for too long. There's a new era coming, so watch out!

MBC Doula School

I have been the director of Montreal Birth Companions for over ten years now. We are at a very exciting point in our life as an organization, and I compare it to that time in a child's life when he (I have only sons so forgive the gender specific pronoun) leaves home to find his way. Our organization is now becoming mature and I will have to relinquish some of my hold on it and let it become what it needs to become.
So  now I have a new baby, and that is the MBC Doula School. I have been teaching doulas since 2003 and I want to expand my (and my students') horizons, and to that end I have created a school which is based partly on my basic courses (Levels One and Two), but also is based upon guest teachers who come to MBC Doula School to share their knowledge.
I have been working hard to bring this program to reality and things are coming together nicely now. I have invited several wonderful guests to lead us on our learning path and I have had lots of enthusiastic feedback from prospective students. To those of you who are far away, I am working on a web-based program that will retain the friendliness and community of our in-house classes.

Dedicated Birth Keeper taking notes @3am

The cost of the program will be based on credit hours (details to come) and, as always, I am happy to offer scholarships and internships to those who cannot pay. Please do not let your calling to this field be hindered by your cash problems!  

Remember, this program values self-directed study and practical work. I also believe that what we do teaches as much as what we say, so we at MBC Doula School are very respectful of the boundaries and limitations our students may have.

Practical work is fully integrated into the program, as an observer, a volunteer doula, shadow, or as an apprentice or mentor.

Doula Care Level One is starting on September 8, 2014. A Safe Passage will be taking place September 21 and 22, 2014. Singing Birth workshop will be coming to Montreal in March, 2015. For more information, please visit MBC Doula School

Here are the courses:
Doula Care Level I
Anatomy and Physiology for the childbearing year
Doula Care I.
Breastfeeding I.
Nutrition
Practical Component   

Doula Care Level II 
Doula Care II.
Reviewing Medical Interventions
Diagnostics
Practical Component                                                            

Introduction to Healing During the Childbearing Year  (Level III)
Challenges During the Childbearing Year: An Overview
Overview of Healing Modalities                                                   

Electives                                                                   

1. A Safe Passage workshop                                                    
2. Working with Families                                                            
3. Language and Birth                                                             
4. Informatics for Birth Workers                                               
5. Singing Birth                                                                            
6. Postpartum Intensive                                                              
7. Healing during Pregnancy, Labor and Birth                          
8. Healing during the Postpartum Period                                   
9. Cranio-Sacral During Pregnancy and for newborns
10. Yoga pre-and postpartum
11. The Placenta  and Placental Encapsulation
12. Herbalism
13. Ribozo
14. Homeopathy for doulas
15. Massage: Prenatal, During Labor, Postpartum
16. The Doula Business
17. Birth Narrative
18. Working with marginalized populations
19. Childbirth Education Course (observe)  
20. Winter Birth Retreat with Debra and Rivka                             

Back to Birthing!

 

I found this beautiful broken robin's egg shell the other day. It reminded me again of how I miss going to births. I finally feel ready to go back to attending birthing women after having taken a couple of months off to attend my mother's death and to then mourn her passing.

When I had a farm, back in the days when I had four little boys under my feet; an acre of vineyard; a huge market garden and a wheat field ... not to mention needy Wwoofers and occasional building tasks (like hoisting chestnut beams for the roof) ... I digress ... when I had the farm, I used to pick coltsfoot flowers in February to make syrup for the next winter's coughs. Just last week, I found some coltsfoot on an abandoned lot in Halifax.

Spring is lovely. I am so happy that the sun has returned - I thought it never would. The darkness of winter 2013/14 was very, very dark, and I am grateful to be alive on this warm lively day.

Projects coming up: I am available for prenatal classes and to attend births; the new MBC Doula School  is growing and expanding; Montreal Birth Companions, as always, is providing doula services for women in need. 

Please contact me if you are interested in joining in any of these projects. I am always happy to share the love!

Birth and Pleasure!

Here are some highlights from the Birth Companions/DONA workshop with Debra Pascali-Bonaro last weekend. We started out sitting around in a circle, with notebooks at hand, listening intently to what Debra had to say...

Day One, Hour One

The room started to get a little messier and we all moved in closer to Debra, and to each other, as we started to get into her words and the concepts we were exploring together.

Moving Closer

Group Work

Debra explaining about positioning. As I was saying - Birth is Simple! An introduction to the concept of pleasure during the childbearing year.

As the days progressed, we got to know each other better through working in groups of two, three or more. Women came from Nova Scotia, Quebec, and Ontario to participate in this gathering, and from such different backgrounds! But we found common ground and really connected.

And That's It! Debra brought her birth cards out - a wonderfully innovative tool that really helps the new parents to imagine and understand what their options may be, and how one choice will have consequences on how the birth will unfold. The students played with these cards to learn how a doula can help the new parents to make choices prenatally.

Working with the birth cards

I Love You  Taking the time to treasure each other and ourselves.

WomanPower!  We learned important techniques to use during labor and birth: the rebozo was a favorite! And of course the messiness of the room was no longer a consideration. We were getting down to the ground and having a good time! Shimmying with a rebozo Through active role play the students learned how they might act with a real woman in real labor. They used props such as birth balls, rebozos, and learned about positions in labor, prenatal positioning, and some massage work.

Shake and Lunge!

 This useful tool hangs on a door (make sure it's locked!!) and a laboring woman can pull on it as she squats.

Deep Squat

 Finally, on Day Four, our babies were ready to be born. Our doulas comforted each other through active labor and used all the techniques they had learned during the final role play. They used birth balls, rebozos, positions, physical comfort measures, and a lot of vocalization! The room was alive with woman sounds: moaning, yelling, sighing, and laughter!

Thank you to everyone who made this workshop happen!

Debra Pascali-Bonaro in Montreal

Winter Birth Intensive

January 2014 

with Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Have a look at details here.

This training brings together Debra Pascali-Bonaro, one of the most experienced doula trainers in the world, famous for her dedication to joy in birth, and Rivka Cymbalist, author of The Birth Conspiracy.

WHO?

Those who take the workshop do not need a professional background, but should have the following: fascination with pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn babies; a desire to work with women or couples during this most meaningful and demanding time in their lives; emotional maturity; stamina; and reliability.

WHERE?

Montreal, Canada. 

WHEN?

The course will take place during four days (this includes the Introduction to Childbirth). 

Dates: January 25 to January 28, 2014.

Introduction to Childbirth will start at 8:45am on the morning of the 25^th, so it will be advisable to reach Montreal on the 24^th.

WHAT?

The DONA International Birth Doula Training covers all the basics of doula care before, during and immediately after childbirth.  This workshop has been approved by DONA International and counts for two steps toward certification. Please contact DONA for information about membership and requirements for certification as a birth doula.

WHAT IS THE COST?

Registration including accommodation US$875.00.

Montreal residents $700.00.

A Student Doula's Story

Here is a post from another blog by one of my Level One students … giving you an inside view of what it's like to be a student doula, volunteering for Montreal Birth Companions.

DEAR BIRTHING, WITH LOVE (thank you http://highalert.net/news/dear-birthing-love)

I am ready to stop typing and run to my phone if it rings. It may be a call from the doula I’m shadowing. There is a woman who will give birth any day now, and when this woman (the client/patient/mother-to-be*) needs birth support, I will go (with the doula) to be with her at her home, or maybe straight to the hospital.

Besides my own, the only birth I’ve attended was that of my little sister, and I was a 5 year-old, and it was late at night. This makes me a minority among the 16 women in my Level 1 doula training course with the Montreal Birth Companions, because I am not a mother.

You don’t have to be a mother to be a doula. You just have to be there. In the last few months of this course, I’ve learned a lot about birth: anatomy, pain-alleviation techniques, how it progresses and why it might stall, affirmations, visualizations, and what to pack in my birth bag. This is all important, but the most important role that a doula plays is of being present, and being loving.

Montreal Birth Companions, then, love hundreds of women a year. They provide free doula services to women in need. They are most often refugees, immigrants, women without family in Canada, and women who don’t have health care. They are women who just need a little bit of love at a vulnerable time.

With each ‘birth story’ that I hear from a fellow Montreal Birth Companion, I am filled with admiration at the important role they play at these births. They are advocates and peace-makers, negotiators and videographers, a friend and calm presence. I am also filled with a certain amount of frustration or anger at a medical system that seems, often, to desecrate such a powerful moment—perhaps the most powerful of all. Birth also has two sides: pleasure and pain. But, I’ve learned that pain in birth serves a function—it releases oxytocin which makes the contractions stronger and more effective, and stress hormones increase blood flow, which brings much-needed oxygen to the baby. I’m not confident, though, that the ‘pain’ of the medical system serves a purpose.

I’ll remain on high alert for calls to explore birth and love in the hospital. In the meantime, I encourage you to VOTE daily for Montreal Birth Companion’s campaign to provide more free pre-natal classes to women. You can like the MBC’s facebook page and select 'get notifications' for daily reminders.

*Serving as a doula is new to me and I am not sure what language I feel comfortable with, yet. As my teacher writes in her book The Birth Conspiracy, 'client' seems impersonal and business-like, while 'patient' may disempower the woman giving birth.

Call for Volunteers

Montreal Birth Companions provides free doula services, prenatal and postpartum support, and resources for refugee, non-status, and other marginalized women in Montreal.

We are in need of birth companions ... please contact me if you are willing and able to devote some time to our worthy cause.
If you are a doula and you can donate one birth every six months to MBC, we would be happy to have you on board!
We are looking especially for birth companions who are fluent in different languages. We would love to have more doulas from our diverse Montreal communities. We welcome everyone who has an open heart and is willing to donate their time and energy.

The women we serve appreciate the companionship, support and kindness that her doula provides. Women come from many backgrounds, walks of life, stories and histories. But the birthing year is the same: we want to give birth to a healthy baby, and we would like to have that experience to be filled with joy. This is not always possible if it is a sad time in the mother's life, but the presence of a birth companion can help spread the love.

We have clients from all around the world. Right now we are serving women from: Algeria, Haiti, St. Vincent, Germany, India, Nigeria, Philippines, Mali, Senegal, Guinee, and Quebec. Next month, we could receive requests from China, Cameroon, Mexico, the US, or Russia ... we never know where our clients will come from or when they will find us. We have had calls from women in their first trimester, and from women in labor!

Many midwifery students try to gain experience as interns in other countries. Volunteering for MBC is a way that doulas and aspiring midwives can gain experience working with women whose cultural attitudes and lives are very different from their own. It is a way that these doulas and aspiring midwives can really understand that the birth experience is universal, and that accompanying a woman in labor transcends language and reaches across boundaries.

Please consider volunteering for MBC.

Fall 2012

Autumn Leaves

So much has happened since the summer months - its hard to imagine that it's only been four months since I was preparing for my trip to Bali.

Yayasan Bumi Sehat is one of the most beautiful places on earth. Please have a look at their website, and make a donation if you can. I will be holding a fundraiser here in Montreal in the near future, and I plan to blog more about my experiences there over the next few months. In short, Bali is a wonderful place, and the Bumi Sehat clinic is next to its heart.

After my too-short stay in Bali, we traveled up to our hideaway in Italy, where we are slowly fixing up a pile of rocks we call our sometimes home. Our place on the mountain  started as a family project, on an isolated track off the beaten path in the mountains of Italy. Families grow and change, but the building, clearing, hiking and mushrooming stays the same. This past summer, we had a lot of work to do to repair the damage done by 2011's harsh winter. We finally got it all fixed up and we settled in to relax a little...

Back in Canada, several family events led me to realize that we are being invited, when we come into this reality, to take part in a magical mystery tour. The most important thing is to be kind to the ones around you. Show the people you love that you love them, each and every day. Don't take anything for granted. Thank you, I love you, and I'm sorry are important  phrases. Don't forget to use them.

More exciting news for the fall: Levels One and Two of the Birth Companions Doula Course are starting this weekend at Studio Vie. Visit my site and have a look at what's offered.

I am taking on more doula clients for the fall, as well as guiding women through the maze of birthing choices here in the city. I am always struggling to keep our wonderful volunteer organization afloat - if you are feeling generous and want to contribute to this very worthy cause, please visit Montreal Birth Companions.

Advice for 2012?

Be gentle with others. That includes birthing women and newborns.

Love each other.

Scrambled

What is happening? Birth is as always, good. Death is coming up in strange corners. Yesterday we started Levels One and Two (places still available, by the way) of the Birth Companions doula course, and not just one but two students burst into tears, at different points in the class. I'm not that mean to my students!

Life is turning faster and faster.

I have been through a car accident, a death in the family, a dear friend's death, disturbing news about another colleague, and all in the past month?

I am okay though, sending gratitude and thanks - thanks for my family, my husband and all the goodness that is continually bestowed upon me.

But every so often, I break down, and yesterday when my innocent husband decided to tear down the ivy that was plugging the gutters, I couldn't take it. Those poor vines! I couldn't stand the noise of them coming off the walls. Now they sit, in sad piles on the driveway.

We do not know how connected we are, either to each other or to the world around us. Let's carry our baskets gently, and be kind to each other.