Takes a Village

 takes a village

to get a lady and her dog onto a flight

It was a very busy time in my life. I had just run a marathon. Lots of fun but tiring! I flew home and straight back to work. 

My BFF let me know her son had died.

My other BFF got a cancer diagnosis.

Then a lady drove her car straight into my café!

I am so grateful for all the good in my life, and I always try to do my best to send love and caring, and actually DO stuff for people… but honestly I felt like pieces of heavy things were falling all around me. 

Could I keep everyone safe from harm? Where are all my five chickadees? (um, well they’re all over the world: little chickadees tend to grow up and fly…) Is my true love gonna be ok up on the mountain without me? What the hell if this crusty thing on the dog’s nose? Am I actually losing my mind? How can I be a better friend? Are my sons doing ok with their partners? Also, how are my sisters? Can I keep the world turning just by thinking good thoughts?

By the time it was the weekend before I was due to travel to Italy – me and our dog on a Transat flight – I was spinning in tiny circles.

And do you know what happened? A giant net of loving hands appeared and moved me along, carefully and with a great sense of humour, to destinations planned and half planned. Two friends took care of the dog so I could visit son #2 in Ontario. Said son and lovely fiancée showed me a wonderful time in their beautiful space. 

Son #3 and his partner organized packing the car and food… and actually packed the car… and were ready with jokes when needed… 

Son #5 played the ukulele accompaniment to our road music while we were driving… he is the calmest person I know and his waves of coolness kept me afloat…

All and sundry cooked dinner before my flight, drove us to the airport, helped me stuff the dog in her crate, touched my back gently when I was about to yell at the Transat gal who was ordering me around …

All I know is, sometimes it takes a village to live a life. Just take a moment to be grateful for your friends, and your family. If you know anyone who doesn’t have either of those, go out and find them! We were all born alone, and we will die alone, but in between it’s worth it to reach out and make a friend. 

Thanks guys!

Albino Lizards, White Girls and Texas Midwifery

Eight years ago, I decided to go and volunteer in a maternity clinic in El Paso, Texas, right across the Rio Grande from Juarez, Mexico.

Juarez

In 2010, Juarez was no longer the colorful tourist attraction it used to be. Years before then, it was a place people could go for a good time: fun-loving, slightly exotic people, cheap trinkets and good beer. But ten years ago, Juarez was one of the most dangerous places in the world. Drug cartels and common bandits took the law into their own hands and  declared war on almost everyone. Violent crime was booming: murder, disappearances, and shooting sprees were common. A group of young people were shot and killed while watching a soccer game at a birthday party. No wonder Mexican women were coming across the border to have their babies in the relative peace of a maternity clinic in El Paso, Texas.

Midwives for Mexicans

It was a win-win deal: the babies got U.S. citizenship, affluent do-gooders like myself could gain experience, the mother got good midwifery care for a rock-bottom price, and the Texas gun laws, though lurid in the eyes of most Canadians, meant that the chance of getting shot in a gangland drive-by are lower than across the border. One woman had to decide whether to come across for her baby’s postpartum visit or to go to her husband’s funeral. He was shot the day she came up to have her baby. She decided to come for the postpartum. She said her husband had been an innocent bystander, but who knows. The original reason for the violence may have been drugs, but no one knows why the killing happened.

Getting There

My flight from Montreal to El Paso went through Chicago O’Hare, a bland, sprawling, badly laid-out airport. O’Hare was clean and bustling early in the morning. I especially liked the automatic saran-wrap toilet seat covers. Lo-fat triple choco smoothies were on sale at the breakfast counter. On the small propeller plane, the cowboy with a handlebar moustache got a seat next to a tourist lady, who politely engaged him in conversation. There was so much wax on his moustache you could have lit it on fire and it would have burned like a five-hour candle.

From my window on the plane I saw the city sitting at the edge of a straggly desert, surrounded by mountains; barren, rocky, and magnificent. I ventured out into the heat and felt like dancing. The sun cleared up all the Montreal autumn from my bones. The Mexican taxi driver was enthusiastic about Canada, and suggested it was a good place to live.

El Paso

On the drive in from the airport, El Paso appears to be full of tawdry car dealerships, McDonald's, Whataburgers, and dollar stores. Most houses are either for rent or for sale, except the large mansions up on the ridge overlooking the town. Downtown looks like Calgary, circa 1961. But the mountains surrounding the town, the blue skies, and the dry heat make up for all the eyesores, and white trash sleazy becomes genteel Southern decay. The Mexican influence is everywhere: from the numerous Taco shops to the sounds on the street, the faces passing by, and the friendliness that is not the usual sedated grizzly-bear feel of small-town American camaraderie but more a reserved and genuine cordiality. It is still America, and to a homegrown Canadian everything seems grotesquely super-sized. I went into a health food store the size of a Wal-Mart. How can I choose between forty-five different types of organic underarm deodorant?

Midwives are weird

The maternity clinic in El Paso was a few blocks from the border, on the service road of a busy highway, across from the rail yards. At any time of day or night, you could hear women moaning in labor, trains whistling, motorbikes racing, newborns squealing, and frazzled midwives yelling instructions to bemused interns. There was a brief time around three-thirty in the morning when there was a pause in the traffic, and the trains take a break, but by four o’clock everything was up and running again.

Midwives are strange creatures and tend to live inside. The place was dark and closed and mostly illuminated by electric lights. Going out to take the trash into the alley was wonderful. The air smelled hot. The bright sun hit the ground and my skin with a jolt which soon wore off as I walked back into the air-conditioned clinic.

Halloween

I’d been on shift since the early morning and I had twelve more hours to go until I had a day off. My day off would fall on the Day of the Dead, which I knew from Italy as a national holiday, a day of celebration and a day the living visit the cemetery and the dead visit the living. By six in the evening I was exhausted but exhilarated. I loved working with pregnant women and newborns. The clinic was empty now, the office staff had gone home and the place was quiet and slightly spooky. The secretary had been wearing skull earrings and there was an air of ill ease in the place. It is an entry point for some into the U.S.; for some it is the door between life and death, and for others that door never opens. We know that so we are always prepared. Whenever you are waiting for a birth, you are always waiting for the unexpected.

Birth

At nine pm the doorbell rang and we went to answer it. There was a black Silverado in the drive. A small woman stood on the steps supporting a larger woman who was obviously in labor. Her aunt carried the bags even though she was crippled from a childhood struggle with polio. Her body was shriveled, but she had obviously learned to use it – it wasn’t her niece who had driven the truck. An inner force twisted her body, and the process had distilled the joy that we usually store deep inside and brought it to the surface. Her face shone. Her eyes were black and she spoke with authority. I helped the woman to the bathroom and then we made a slow procession to the birthing room. The primary midwife was bustling and fussing with equipment. I focused on the birthing woman, who was speaking Spanish to her aunt, who translated to me. “She’s having the baby now!” That was clearly true. As we removed her pants, I lifted the baby and laid it on the woman’s chest. The baby was tiny and silvery, with a small tuft of black hair and perfect features.

By midnight it was time for them to leave. The aunt shouldered all the bags and told me she would need help with the baby’s car seat. She hobbled outside and packed up the truck. The new mother strapped the little girl into the car seat and I picked it up and carried it to the truck. The seat belt didn’t work properly but it didn’t matter; the aunt told me to stop fussing. They needed to drive for a couple of hours before they would be home. The baby would be fine.

Escape from Midwifery Boot Camp!

I cleaned up and soon enough no one would ever know that a baby had been born in the room just a few hours ago. Everything was clean and bright, waiting for the next one. I slept a little in the chair and by the morning I was ready to take a break. Within a couple of hours I found myself in a rented PT Cruiser driving down the highway on my way to the desert. I followed the road signs to White Sands, past the mountains, until the land was flat and bare and the vegetation was short and prickly. Tumbleweed rolled by and I couldn’t decide whether I was on the set of a spaghetti western or Road Runner. I kept the windows open and tried to find some music on the radio. All I could get was Vivaldi which didn’t fit the mood so I muted it and concentrated on the road.

But not well enough.

The road got narrower. What few vehicles there were seemed to be going very fast. I passed some road kill that looked foxy, and I realized the place was infested with coyotes. I passed a sign that looked vaguely military, but I didn’t take much notice. The asphalt ended and I saw a dusty sign in Arabic. Then a large dust cloud rose in the valley and I saw helicopters hovering above the car; I had stumbled into a military area, so I carefully turned and went back the way I had come.

Desert Bound

I was almost back in El Paso when I saw the sign to White Sands National Memorial, so I headed out and found myself back in the desert. Blue mountains rose in the distance. The land stretched for miles, hot and dry. The road ahead shone with the heat. The sky was crackling, the road was straight and I was hungry so I ate a banana and threw the peel onto the shiny road. I prayed for a gas station and I wondered what I would do if I ran out. I turned on the Vivaldi after all, and then found some Mexican love songs.

Finally in the distance I saw what looked like civilization, or something like it. As I rolled into town I saw a sign towering above the shacks that said “Outpost”. Beneath it were three fifties-style gas pumps. Behind the gas pumps there was a small table and two chairs. The chairs were occupied by two skinny men with raggedy grey hair and a few teeth. Of course they were in their fifties, like me. They were very friendly and one of them had a relative in Ontario. They assured me that White Sands was the place to see, “It’s one of the Seven Wonders of the World”. It would take me another hour or so. I filled the tank with gas and got back on the road.

The blue mountains got closer and became a wall of grey stone in the distance. I couldn’t see any white sand and I was wondering if this was all in vain. The desert started to change and the land became flatter. I followed a signpost and arrived at the adobe visitor center where tourists can fill up on trinkets and rent sleds to slide on the sands. I took the dune road into the sands and wasn’t impressed. I’ve seen dunes – on the Mediterranean, on the coast of the St Lawrence Seaway, in the Sinai, in the Sahara. Hah! White sand, scrubby bushes, dunes…

Albino Lizard

I turned a corner and suddenly I was in the mountains going skiing. The hills rose on either side of the road, white. The road was white. I stopped the car and climbed up the hill. At the top I looked around – hills and hills of snow, as far as I could see, all the way to the blue mountains that were back in the distance. I looked down at the sand. It was fine like baking powder and stuck to my legs. I sat down and wrote some words in the sand. The heat was dry and delicious. The sand was soft. I saw movement in the corner of my eye and I froze, thinking of snakes. A small bleached lizard walked in front of me, turned around, and stared at me with his little black eyes. His paws rested on the white sand in front of him and he blended in perfectly. He reminded me of the little silvery newborn I had seen a few hours before, in his place, gazing at me.

C and W

Hunger drew me back to the car and I started back, eating an apple and wishing I could stay. I drove away from the dunes and back onto the highway. The mountains seemed closer in the setting sun and I found some country music on the radio, singing about 9/11, patriotism, God, guns, and girls. I rolled down the windows and turned the music loud. Pickups were a theme on the road and on the radio. When I got back to town I got a ride to the clinic from the car rental agent. He told me about his fiancée. He takes her on a trip to a different place every year. Last year they went to Vancouver – it was too cold, for desert rats. Maybe Montreal next summer, he had heard it was a party town.

I went into the clinic. Two women were in labor. They would give birth during the night and drive back to Juarez in the morning. Later that morning, the woman I had assisted would come back to the clinic with her sister. The aunt didn’t come. I unwrapped the baby and she lay, perfect and silvery, her black eyes staring at me from a desert-like place.

A Week in Lisbon! What To Do?

7 Days in Lisbon

We had a week to get away; we had wanted to go to Lisbon for years. I wanted a place I wouldn't skip on my marathon training schedule; we couldn't break the bank. Let's go: a week in Lisbon!

What can you do for 7 days in Lisbon? You can have the time of your life! Food, art, romance, friendship, beauty, and running. A week in Lisbon here we come!!!

We went in late January, during the deep freeze in our home town of Montreal. We wore our winter jackets and needed them for the first few days, and on our crazy trip to the coast. Some days were pleasantly warm, and we shedded layers. I always ran in my capris and a t-shirt... but generally the weather was cool in Lisbon - check out the southern European winter.

Day One

We arrived before dawn.

I found a lucky charm on the floor as we arrived and I knew we were going to have fun ... our trip started out with a funny turn ... we were relaxed and happy as we landed in deep fog, and we decided against rushing off the plane with the rest of the passengers, so we missed the bus! Got special transport with the crew, and listened to the pilot talk about how difficult the landing was. Hmmm...

We love to travel! We booked an Airbnb that wasn't going to be ready until noon. No problem, we thought, until we walked around town for too long with our bags (het, just duffle bags but still bags), got chilled in the wind, and wished we had know about the various left luggage storage spots in Lisbon. Then we could've visited a museum or a bookshop and relaxed in the warmth ...

At noon

We were finally allowed into our apartment and it was lovely!!!

Four flights up these beautiful stairs (just the right cool-down after a run through this amazing runner's paradise!), a little hideaway with a balcony where we could watch the city from dawn through twilight. And also a place where the firemen could visit (twice!) so they could secure the large piece of metal siding that was blowing off the roof next door!

After getting settled, we set off to explore Alfama, which is the oldest and very beautiful past of Lisbon. The Alfama is a maze of tiny streets, stairs and close-set houses. It is the oldest part of Lisbon, and survived the 1755 earthquake mostly intact. It is said that it used to be the red light district during that time, and during the 15th century it housed the Jewish population of Lisbon. We wandered around, got completely lost, and wandered back. After doing some groceries close to the apartment, made a lovely dinner and went to bed early.

Day Two

Saturday we relaxed! It's so easy to relax in a place where people still go out for a morning walk. Coffee shops were full and people were eating the traditional Portugese pastry (the Pastel de Nata is a tiny custard tart) with their coffees. No one sitting alone on their laptops, but people of all ages chatting, eating and having a regular Saturday morning.

Our r and r was only disturbed once with the unlikely event of the doorbell ringing. I looked out of the window and saw the neighbours pointing at our house. My husband ran downstairs, opened the door, and a herd of firemen rushed in, onto the balcony and on to the roof. One of them fell back down on to the balcony; I thought I was going to have to do first aid. They fixed the sheet metal, said "buon appetito" in Portugese, and left us to enjoy our lunch.

The day was full of walks, yummy home-cooked food, chocolate, red wine (Portugese wine is good!), naps, then dinner out (4 out of 10, sadly, a little vegan place. I don't know how they got a 4.5 on Google, perhaps because the staff was so pleasant).

Day 3

A perfect day! First, a run. Let me tell you about running in Lisbon ... in a word, amazing!!

Lots of hills, stairs, flat if you want, many runners out on the roads (and everyone waves or at least nods). I was in the middle of a marathon training plan, so I had a great chance to cover my week's worth of training sessions in a warmer, hillier place. I went out for a 13 k early Sunday morning. Lovely! And very warm compared to the 13 k I did the week before!

After my super morning run, we decided to get the tram to Belem, which is just outside Lisbon and houses a Marine Museum we wanted to visit. Sadly, it was closing by the time we got there so we consulted our trusty guide book (Rough Guide to Lisbon) and discovered a treasure! The Berardo Museum is a beautiful building that houses art from every era! It is a pleasure to visit, and very affordable. We wandered around the museum for hours.

At closing time, we went for a drink in the bar just behind the museum. It was perfect! There were a few tourists there, like us, and there were also smart-looking older Portugese couples who were out for their pre-dinner evening drink or coffee. We sat for a while and weirdly I had a craving for cider so we had a very good apple cider (British). Then of course I went to look for the bathroom (yes this is relevant). With scarcely-understood directions, I first walked into the cleaning closet, and then I went down a hall and found myself in a pizza/sushi bar! (And I found the well-appointed washrooms...).

Off for dinner!

This is a cool little spot with a great wood-oven pizza menu, and a huge selection of sushi. We chose pizza and beer, and it was sublime! At the end of the evening we rolled out of the restaurant and took a tram home. In Lisbon, as in most of southern Europe (except France! They put their kids to bed pronto, no messing around), families, couples, people of all generations tend to be out late. The tram was packed and we were happy.

Speaking of trams, and crowds. Do be careful of thieves in Lisbon! Our friend (who lives there!) was robbed while we were chatting with her in a cafe - her bag was on the floor, she was preoccupied with her young child and with our conversation, and two men next to us got their hands into her purse and made off with her wallet. (Same thing happened here in Montreal to a customer at my cafe: put your bag in full view and keep your eyes on it!)

Day 4

On Monday we had a lazy morning and decided to go for a stroll. We wandered through the Alfama again ... and found ourselves near the center of town next to the Casa dos Bicos, which is a strange building with spikes on the outside... So many of the buildings in Lisbon are beautifully tiled, some with patterned colored tiles, others with plain white or a lighter color, some with intricate designs. This 16th century building really stands out, partly because it is strikingly ugly compared to the tiled beauty that surrounds it. The building houses a tribute to the famous Portugese writer Jose Saramago. (I bought one of his books and found it pretty heavy reading.)

We continued along the waterfront and explored the main market, which was disappointing. (But check out Day 7 and you'll see why!) The fish stalls were all closed, there were a few sad-looking vegetables and a tourist stall. We went for coffee instead, and sat outside in the sun chatting about the things you chat about when you've been together for over 35 years... kids, the meaning of life, hegemony and what it means, what to have for dinner tonight, you know...

We spent the rest of the morning wandering around central Lisbon. Check out the artisanal shoe stores. The shoes are made with soft leather, and the price is right! Take a stroll down to the waterfront, and then walk through the Praça do Comércio and up one of the shop-lined streets to the Chiado area of town.

I love books, reading, and bookshops.

On most of my trips I try to find one book to take home and read, to remind me of my trip. I loved the look of this little bookstore:

But I was very excited to find mention in my guide book of the oldest still-operating bookshop! I was so excited to go in! And there on the wall, kind of in a place of honor, they were showcasing "Mein Kampf". Yes, fascism is definitely on the rise in Europe. I remember in Pontremoli a few years ago at their yearly literary fair, the Premio Bancarella they had also decided to keep several copies of this hateful book on their shelves. I sent my husband to guard the door and threw them under the table. Not being a smoker any more, I couldn't do a real direct action protest by setting them on fire, so I threw them harshly in the hopes they would tear. Not possible in this upscale bookshop so I left quickly and muttered angry comments under my breath.

"Is the world in the hands of those who have the courage to dream and take the risk of living their dreams?"

Sunset

As I was angrily steaming up the hill, it was getting dark and my husband realized it might be time for a drink. We walked up to the top of the hill, and found ourselves a little outside bar at the top of one of the many elevators that take people to the top of the town. The Bellalisa Elevador houses a large outdoor restaurant, but there is a bar outside where you can sit and have a drink and look out at the view. Perfect! We had one drink and then realized we were having such a good time we needed one more for the walk home. It was lovely!

On our way home, we passed a huge church with no roof. We discovered this was the Carmo Convent, beneath which was the centre of the giant earthquake of 1755 that destroyed most of the city. The earthquake took place on All Saint's Day (Nov 1), and much religious speculation was made of it. The area that suffered the least damage was the Alfama, which is said to have been the red light district ("why did God save the prostitutes?") or the Jewish area ("why did God save the Jews?"). Here's an interesting article suggesting that the earthquake rattled people into thinking more seriously about atheism.

Of course, us being us, as we walked arm in arm back to our place (a much longer walk than we expected), we discussed all this and more, and stopping at times to make a point, and stopping at one point on the top of a hill next to a beautiful piazza to listen to a 5-piece band play covers!!!

And home for a late dinner. With a bottle of good red wine, delivered to our door by the amazing Dima Peyroteo of the Wine Museum. We found him online, ordered a case of wine and port, and he was at our door within the day! The port was very good too. Porto Quevedo Ruby, a full-tasting port without the sweetness that some fortified wines have.

Day 5

After a busy day on Day 4, we decided to take it easy on our fifth day in Lisbon, especially since we had another busy day planned for Day 6! I went for a fast run up and down some hills around the apartment, and along the way I noticed in passing a huge outdoor market. I looked it up when I got home and found the Fiera da Ladra is a huge flea market that is only open on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and closes at 2pm! Luckily my husband was busy cooking when I got in from my run, so we ate and went back out.

The Fiera da Ladra (thieves' market!) is part flea market, part junk shop and part artisanal fair. It stretches for a few streets along the top of the Alfama, around the Campo de Santa Clara. We browsed through old books, postcards, lamps, LPs, you name it. I bought a pair of earrings, a hand-made leather belt, several fridge magnets. There were lots of broken conversations with people, mixing English, Portugese, Italian and hand gestures to create the illusion that we were actually conversing, and in a way we were.

As the blankets and mats were being rolled up and the fiera started to disperse, we walked back down the hill to the centre of Lisbon by the waterfont. We stopped for coffee where the owner gave us a free pastry that was so good I could've probably eaten twenty more! It was, he explained, a traditional walnut cake. Whatever it was, it was delicious.

Window-shopping

I have to confess, although I do enjoy wearing pretty clothes, and I do love a new pair of running shoes or a running skirt, and of course I love all stores paper-oriented - bookshops, stationary stores and the like .... my biggest love is a good old-fashioned hardware store. I'm not talking Home Depot here, where you can buy anything from a hundred sheets of drywall to a giant bar of chocolate. I mean a small, down-home, hardware store.

When you look in the window and you see this. Twenty different sizes and shapes of machetes, each with their own purpose. You can find a wood stove; pruning shears; a copper and glass still; glue; locks and keys; screws and hammers. No chocolate. No drywall. I can spend hours in a small hardware store, not buy anything at all, and come out happy. In a clothing store, on the other hand, I could also spend hours but I usually think most of the clothing is ugly and then I feel ugly when I leave. I am an old hippie, essentially, with very expensive tastes. I went to the Balenciaga fashion exhibit here in Montreal last week and now I want an original Balenciaga... yip. Oh, by the way, if you are super incredibly rich, please visit Storytailors in Lisbon and buy a fantasy dress.

So anyway we visited a wonderful hardware store and bought a couple of fun things. A machete. Stuff like that.

Day 6

Off to the beach! After almost a week in Lisbon we were looking forward to seeing the countryside. We did our research and planned to go to Guincho beach for the day. We read that there were restaurants all along the waterfront, so we went after breakfast and planned to have lunch there. "The train departs from the Cais do Sodré train station in Lisbon (green metro line). The train journey is 30 minutes and a single ticket costs €2.15. It is a 200 m walk from the Cascais train station to the bus station, which is below the Cascais Villa shopping centre." Super easy directions and we were at the beach by mid-morning. Public transport in Lisbon and surrounding areas is fantastic! Clean, fast, easy to use.

The coast line is beautiful!! No, this is not a stock picture; I took it from the road above the beach. The beach itself stretches for about a kilometer; we walked almost to the end and back but it was COLD and there was a biting wind. I wore my winter coat but took my socks and shoes off to enjoy the sand.

But the crazy thing was, we picked the best day ever to visit the beach! The waves were huge! Magnificent, pounding, scary waves. You could see dark blue underneath as each waves rose and crashed down. It was insane surfers' paradise!

We walked a meter or so at a time and then just stopped to stare at the waves and listen to the crashing. Big Waves catching them on video doesn't do justice - they look like nice, body-surfable waves. But here's proof:

Lunch

We were getting cold; teeth-chattering with the exhilaration and the freezing wind. Time for lunch! We hiked up to the first place (see that fortress-looking place in the picture?). Turns out this was where they shot some of the sequences for a James Bond film. In the lobby there are photos of Very Famous People. Lunch was going to cost as much as our Airbnb.

We took a stroll down the road and soon realized (after a couple of kilometers) that this was Rich People's lane. Lots of fancy cars, fancy looking restaurants and menus that started at 80 Euros. Back to the beach. I found a packet of cookies and an orange in my bag. We snuggled down in between two rocks and ate our lunch. Hiking up to the bus, though, we found a lovely coffee shop in the dunes. We sat outside, shielded from the wind with a large plexiglass window. The view was stunning; the staff were friendly (as always).

We raced up to the bus stop and of course got slightly lost. Got to the train station late so we picked up a Sue Grafton novel at the kiosk, and weirdly found out that she had just died. Home again, big pasta dinner, lots of red wine, sleep...

Day 7

Our last day in Lisbon! Our week in Lisbon was almost over. The great thing about a really good vacation is that you're sad to leave...

A nice morning run along the waterfront (you can run for about 15 k from Cais do Sodre all the way to Belem) was followed by a long walk through the town. We were supposed to meet with someone in the early afternoon so we had lots of time to enjoy the city. It's fun when you have someone to meet up with in a new place who knows the fun spots ... but it was great meeting up with her after we had already spent a week exploring on our own. But this wasn't a friend who we had known forever or someone we knew super well. Just the good friend of a close friend of ours, from back when our kids were small. But she's our kids' age, so she has a small child.

On any given day at my cafe  you will find people of all ages enjoying the food and each other's company, or just sitting by themselves and working. In the front you'll see people meeting for work; at the bigger tables there will be larger groups eating together; on the couches you'll often see a group of mothers with their babies or toddlers. The mums will be chatting and nursing their babies (everyone needs to eat right?), and the small children will be playing with the in-house toys. Everyone gets along.

Here in our busy culture we have a tendency to divide people into groups - not only in our bigger cultural picture but even in one person's life. The older friend of a friend who visits must be given a half hour and tea. The friend can't have dinner with the husband around. Children are not welcome and certainly not nursing babies. In other countries its different. When we first moved to Italy the people we met were astounded that we put the kids to bed at seven. Whoever heard of such nonsense? It would mean that we would have to be home every night at seven!!

We met with our friend and her child in a beautiful spot at the top of the Edward VII Park. This is a typically sculpted park that stretches down the hill so that from the top you eyes follow the length of the park and then move to the rest of Lisbon. We sat at a pretty outdoor cafe next to the pond and had coffee and chatted about pretty much everything. Then the pickpocket thing happened. We realized then ran around the park looking in garbage cans, then down through a nearby mall (the only shopping mall in Lisbon apparently. No luck. She called her mum and they went to the police station. I figured it was ciao ciao and see you in a few years.

Nope, not in Lisbon. We made a plan: she would go to the police station, then pick up her husband and we would meet for dinner at 7pm. In the meantime, we spent our last day in this beautiful city wandering around, climbing the hills, checking out the little stores. Just before sunset we found ourselves at a little bar on the waterfront, drinks in hand, sitting next to the sea wall and watching the sun set over the Tagus. Perfect!

Best vegan food around!

We arrived at the Vegan Food Project before seven and there was already a lineup! They take traditional Portugese recipes and recreate them with all plant-based ingredients. The ambience is perfect; children are welcome; the service is friendly but professional. As a cafe owner myself I appreciate a quality business, where the food is excellent, the kitchen is clean and the employees are happy. They are located in the Chiado district, which has a bustling night life, and it's best if you reserve a table as they are packed! Open for lunch and dinner, and closed during the afternoon.

We ate magnificently, and we still thought our lovely friends would be heading home. Nope! Now we were going to a small bar ... it's closed, okay, off to the market! Remember the market we were so disappointed by? Well, at night it transforms into the Lisbon TimeOut Market and it is a hoot! It's like a giant traditional market, food court, night club and pub all rolled into one. There are food stalls of every variety. We had beer and desserts (of course!). There are young people out for the evening; families with small children; friends eating with great concentration; older couples sauntering about. Stalls sell souvenirs, port, sausages, custard pies... sushi, pizza, seafood, burgers, all excellent and hand-picked by the TimeOut big shots.

Music. There's a DJ. Lights. Picnic tables. Finally we realized we were all ready for bed so we left the market, took one last stroll around the waterfront, and headed home to pack and prepare for our early morning departure.

Day 8

We were slowly packing away our stuff and doing all the things weary travellers do the night before a 5am taxi. Check-in. What clothes to leave out? Fragile gift - is it going to break? Is that machete we bought going to rip up our clothes? So tired, just want to get to bed already. Suddenly there was an ear-splitting bell ringing and banging on the door four stories below. We ran down. And up, followed by firemen. More drama with the sheet metal. They ran onto our balcony, climbed on the roof and spent a good half an hour trying to attach it to something.

Finally, they left, with this parting remark: "Three best things about Lisbon: the food, the friendly people, and the best firemen in the world!"

Our week in Lisbon was a resounding success! We'll be back!

21 Reasons to Love Rome: A Roman Alphabet

There is no shortage of stuff to do in Rome, ever. You can hang out in your apartment and stare out of the window. You can wander for hours through the streets, stopping here and there for a coffee, a drink or a little something to eat. You can hit the museums. You can go to one of Rome's huge parks. Go for a run along the Tiber! Take a walk at midnight! Take the kids for ice cream at one am! It is a safe city for a woman to travel alone,  obviously respecting your personal safety rules.

Here's a lesson on the Roman alphabet:

Amore: Rome is the city of love. It's chaotic, alive, dark, light, and triumphant.

Bellezza: Rome is the most beautiful city in the world. I love to live in a beautiful place, where I can look out of my window and get an eye massage.

Carciofi alla giudia: One of the classic Roman dishes is this one, and it is scrumptious! Basically, deep-fried artichokes. They come to your table hot and salted, and you pick off the leaves like chips and eat down to the fatty center. Delicious with a cold white wine!

Do Not Drive: Don't drive in Rome! If you are staying in Italy for a while, and landing in Rome, get a taxi into the city and spend your time in Rome without a car. Taxi, streetcar, subway  (the "Metropolitana") and walking are the best ways by far to get around this amazing city. Then head back to the airport, pick up your car, and get on the road!

Eterna: Rome is described as "the eternal city". It is ancient, it is modern. It has survived over the centuries. It has an air about it that is ... well .... eternal. If you love Rome once, you will love her forever.

Foro Romano: My husband spent his teenage years in Rome and he knows every pathway in the centro storico. We were there last summer. First (10:30pm) we ate at a sidewalk restaurant in the Ghetto.

Then he took me for a walk through the streets until we arrived at a spot above the Roman Forum, looking down on the historic ruins. We were not the only people there. There were other couples, and a young woman was there sitting on the wall writing in her journal.

Ghetto: This is the ancient Jewish ghetto of Rome that was created in the 1500's. Walk from the Foro Romano or Campidoglio and head towards the Tiber, and you will find the Teatro Marcello, an ancient Roman theatre where concerts are still held during the summer. Then past the Portico d'Ottavia you will find yourself on a wide pedestrian street filled with restaurants, gift shops and bakeries. Try the Ba'Ghetto restaurant for a late dinner!

Hotels: I've stayed in cheap guest houses, Airbnb's and fancy hotels. I suggest avoiding the Trastevere, because it can stay loud most of the night. My favorite area to stay in is just off the Trastevere, close to Piazza San Cosimato. It's more residential but still fun, and a ten minute walk from the party action if you're so inclined.

Isola Tiberina: My favorite place in Rome! Come to the island in the evening or late afternoon to wander around, have a drink, meet friends, get a gelato with the kids or just walk and people-watch.

Largo di Torre Argentina: Just off the Corso di Vittorio Emmanuelle, a large road lined with shops, is a city block full of Roman ruins. You can walk around and peer through the fence at the four temples that still stand in the middle of Rome. It is also home to a herd of street cats, who lie in the sun and stare out at the tourists from inside the fence!

Menafreghismo: A quality the Romans have that means ... loosely translated ... "couldn't care less". It's not admirable, I guess, but it means that you don't have to feel like you have to live up to expectations...

Navona: Piazza Navona is full of statues, ancient monuments, fountains, cafes and tourists. Go do the tourist! If you start there, you can go in any direction, walk for twenty minutes and you will find another historic spot. But first, sit and have a gelato or a coffee and watch the fountains.

Oligominerale: This may sounds weird, but it is on the label of some mineral waters. Roman tap water is fine to drink but it tastes a little gross. If you are buying water, get the oligominerale. It is good for the digestion.

Pasta: When in Rome, eat carbs. Pasta, pizza, pastries, they are all there for you to enjoy! If you overindulge, head out for a run along the Tiber!

Quirinale: Was a palace built by the Pope in the 16th century. Now it houses a museum where top-notch art exhibitions are shown. Everything from Picasso, back to the Rennaissance and beyond. Tickets are reasonable - 12 Euro for adults and kids are free.

Romani: The Romans are loud, rude, dignified, fun-loving, sexy, well-dressed, warm, homophobic, intense. They love to eat, drink, and socialize. They are thieves, honest, frank, conniving, rich and poor. In short, Romans have many of the best and worst human characteristics.

Sensuality: Rome invades the senses. Your eyes are full of beauty, of the old mixed with the new, of pathos, of colors and textures. Noisy Romans yell, car horns blare, dogs bark, a cannon erupts at noon, tourists laugh, babies cry. You can smell perfume, garbage, urine, fruit, coffee, pasta, wine, garlic. Feel the sun on your face, a light rain, the softness of a new silk scarf. And taste the magic.

Tevere: This beautiful slow-flowing river meanders through Rome. The bridges over it are many and some are very old. On its banks, merchants and restaurants sell food, drinks and clothing all evening until late into the night. In the morning though it is empty and a wonderful place for a run!

Università la Sapienza: Rome's university is world-renowned!

Verità: Truth! The Bocca della Verità is famous as a tourist trap - there is an ancient myth that you cannot tell a lie if you put your hand in the lion's mouth and speak - or the mouth will close.

Zecche Romane: Zecche are ticks! But you won't get Lyme disease from these - it is also the name of the ancient Roman coins.

There's so much more to love: the language, the dogs, the children, the wine, the food, .....

Just Visiting

I have always traveled a lot. From the time I was born I have traversed oceans, flown in small rickety planes over the desert, walked through Africa, hitchhiked countless times back and forth across the country I found myself growing up in. I love to see how we humans live our lives. Do you know, at this very minute, there is an old lady walking through a chestnut forest, on her own, looking for mushrooms that she will dry for the winter? And there is another woman, cooking a small pot of corn meal over a fire made from waste crude oil she collected from the stream near her home. She is waiting for her husband to return, annoyed with him for keeping her waiting but full of love for her man. On a train, there is a family from Belgium, staring at the immensely beautiful scene that is spread before them.

The life of a tourist is a hard one. There you are. You have saved for this small chunk of time for a while - perhaps all year. You are in a place where you probably don't speak the language. You don't know the customs. The food is different. You suspect you are getting cheated most of the time. You miss your own bed. The place smells funny. Your spouse has decided that it is NOW that you have to figure out your problems. The children are either sick or adolescents.

But the place is beautiful! You don't have to get up early! You are really in love with your spouse, especially when you get some time alone to walk on the beach in the moonlight. You imagine selling everything and moving here. You would wear comfortable clothes every day. Your wife would wear those sexy sandals and that little dress. Your kids would be all tanned and happy.

It doesn't usually work out that way though.

I live in two places these days. Most of the time I am in a big city, and for three months I am on top of a mountain far away from everyone. I always imagine I will spend those three months really sorting everything out. I will come back all transcendent-looking and calm. But, like the midwives say, meconium happens, and life does tend to keep going. The vacation, the holiday, the three-week all inclusive, ... it's all just life, and why should it be otherwise?

And so it is in life, it is in birth. It is one of the most important days of a mother's or father's life - and of course the most important day of a baby's. But at the same time, life does continue, before, during, and after. So, as in life, it is not the hugely transcendent, mind-blowing experience that it is the important thing. It's not the orgasm, the blinding flash of out-of-body-ness, that is important. It's the quiet, day-to-day, pleasant (yes, even when you're in labor!), humdrum traveling that is important. Let us turn to Cavafy for some wisdom:

Ithaka

As you set out for Ithaka hope the voyage is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery. Laistrygonians and Cyclops, angry Poseidon—don’t be afraid of them: you’ll never find things like that on your way as long as you keep your thoughts raised high, as long as a rare excitement stirs your spirit and your body. Laistrygonians and Cyclops, wild Poseidon—you won’t encounter them unless you bring them along inside your soul, unless your soul sets them up in front of you.   Hope the voyage is a long one. May there be many a summer morning when, with what pleasure, what joy, you come into harbors seen for the first time; may you stop at Phoenician trading stations to buy fine things, mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony, sensual perfume of every kind— as many sensual perfumes as you can; and may you visit many Egyptian cities to gather stores of knowledge from their scholars.   Keep Ithaka always in your mind. Arriving there is what you are destined for. But do not hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so you are old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all you have gained on the way, not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.   Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey. Without her you would not have set out. She has nothing left to give you now.   And if you find her poor, Ithaka won’t have fooled you. Wise as you will have become, so full of experience, you will have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

Translated by Edmund Keeley/Philip Sherrard. (C.P. Cavafy, Collected Poems. Translated by Edmund Keeley and Philip Sherrard. Edited by George Savidis. Revised Edition. Princeton University Press, 1992)