A Fun Day in the Desert

I woke at 6:15 and got dressed. My gear was kind of organized the night before but I still had to dress, use the bathroom, eat breakfast, fill my flasks and get my act together. I filled my water bladder and attached in into my vest, got my maple syrup and salt flask ready, packed my vest with the things I thought I would need for the day: cheerios, candies, salt tabs, wipes in ziplock, pee cloth, re-suable cup, emergency blanket (I take one everywhere, traveled through Africa with it decades ago.) Sunscreen, lip balm, phone and headphones. Watch. 

I pinned on my bib, gobbled my breakfast, gulped my coffee and my son drove me to the race start. It was pretty low key over there. Everyone is over 50 who's involved in the race. There's a 50k, 50 miler, 100k, 100 miler. The oldest runner is in his 80's. We had a little pep talk, then we head out. 

I am so happy! I've studied the course. I know what I'm going to eat. I am in the desert, my favourite place on the planet. And besides, I labored for so many hours to have my five babies, I can run for 50 kilometers no problem!

The trail goes downhill and then along a sandy patch until we reach two large tunnels that go under the highway. I don't like tunnels at the best of times, but these were the only thing that I dreamed about when I was having anxiety dreams about the race. I got through the tunnel and started my race.

Wait a minute. Why do I feel water dripping down my front? Ok, so a few weeks before the race I was doing one of my long runs and the nozzle of my water bladder froze. I had a note on my list of things to do: dress rehearsal of gear. I was going to put all the gear I was going to use for my race, get it all together and just go for an hour run to final test that everything was working.

I never got to do that dress rehearsal. So in fact, the nozzle from the bladder had not only frozen but also ripped. The damn thing had a hole in it and it was spurting water. I noticed it after the big hill after the tunnel...the front of my running top was wet and water was splashing on my legs. I couldn't have worked up a crazy sweat already.... 

First I put it in my mouth and thought I would have a continual water supply. Note: you can't run with a tube in your mouth. Then I tried blowing air into it to see if that would stop the flow. It didn't. I ran up to a group of friends running together and asked if they could think of any quick fixes. They couldn't. I asked if they wanted to hear a joke: "My water broke! I'm leaking and labor hasn't started yet!". haha. Then for about a mile, I held the tube up to stop the water dripping, then I realized if I bend it, it won't drip. So I took some tape from the course markings, tied it around the bent hose, and stuffed it in my pocket.

All good, except that it meant that I only had my 500 ml of electrolyte mix readily available, and I didn't want to mess around untying tape every time I wanted to drink. Anyway, challenge accepted, and I decided to drink the electrolytes and refill with water.

The next 35 kilometers went by like a dream! I ran, I walked, I thought my thoughts. I spun around at times, just drinking in the beauty. I ate Ritz crackers with Nutella at an aid station. I filled my water flask. I didn't like my maple syrup so much. I finished my cheerios, throwing the last four remaining onto the desert ground with a small prayer of gratitude. I danced. I saw a butterfly. I met a cow. I missed a turn and went down the wrong road for a little bit until I realized there were no footprints. I turned around and saw three other runners wildly waving at me, so I turned back and got on track. I had some pumpkin pie at an aid station. I was filled with happiness. At around the 30 km mark I started eating candies and salt tablets. They were just what I needed! I decided to drink from my useless bladder, so I untied it every 20 minutes or so and took a long drink. 

At Mile 24.6, I reached Overlook aid station, 15 minutes after my planned time. I was happy and tired, and my son was waiting there with my Snickers bar! I gave him the offending water bladder, filled my flask, and headed out. Then the demons hit.

It wasn't really Courtney Dauwalter's famous pain cave. It was more like I suddenly realized, at about 42 kilometers, that I was a fat idiot. I was in the middle of the desert, with mountains in the distance, and blue sky above, and  for about a kilometer I was literally adjusting my clothing and worrying that I looked fat. I stopped. I stared at the sky. I had a drink of water. I continued. Fat or not fat, I regained my spirits and ran, stumbled, and walked the last ten km.

The final ten k were the hardest in terms of terrain. Very rocky and some steep descents. I couldn't really run. I slowed down a lot, partly because of my water troubles from the beginning of the race. But my "fat crisis" was minimal, and I regained my smile. I was terrified going back through the tunnel. I kept thinking if someone comes barreling my way in an ATV, what the hell can I do? But no one did, and I survived. I knew I wasn't going to die, the universe wasn't going to play that cosmic joke on me just yet.

Bottom line? I made it to the start line! And I made it to the finish line!

The finish line was a bit of a let-down, to be honest. I thought there would be more people there, but it was very low key. I got in the car with my loyal son and race support and we drive back to the RV where we were staying. I had a burger. I recovered, slowly. 

I trained. I trained hard, and had some setbacks. Physical stuff (colds, muscle aches and the like). Emotional stuff (challenges with family, feelings of Fatness, Fakeness, and the like). Discipline was ongoing. I needed to get out there, and when I had a run or a workout scheduled, I had to do it. I had to eat a lot, and good food. I needed to reframe my idea about how much protein I need, and how my body should look and act. I had to get 8-9 hours of sleep a night.

There's a lot of bullshit out there about a lot of things. Particularly about women, as far as I can see. Particularly about what we are or can be capable of. In this instance, I had to unlearn some of society's misconceptions about older women. 

Three little BS turds right here:

• Old people don't need to eat much, especially protein. 
• Old women shouldn't exercise too much. Lighter weights, not too much running (bad on the joints).
• We need less sleep.

If you're over 60, please have a look at your diet and make sure you are getting at least one source of protein with each meal. Start lifting weights asap! Your muscles are shrinking every day. And run, jump, ski, or dance whenever you feel like it. Sleep! If you wake up at five am, have a nap later in the day.

This isn't one of those "I did it, you can too" pieces. This is: shit happens, and usually we can overcome whatever hurdles are placed in front of us to get where we want, but sometimes we can't. 

My race was February 17, 2024. I had the idea of running an ultramarathon for a few years, so this was a big deal for me that I'd been preparing for for months. On February 8, nine days before my race and three days before I was due to fly out, I got a phone call. 

I was Mika's mentor, her teacher, her colleague, and her friend. She sought refuge with me when her demons first started attacking her in the summer of 2023. I tried to keep in touch. She loved the pictures I sent her from my travels. Mountains, desert, my grandson, snow-filled paths. Cactuses. Especially desert. Mika loved the desert, and she loved the outdoors. 

I ran my first ultramarathon knowing that my lovely young friend didn't find solace in the end, not here on earth anyway. She might not ever get to enjoy the beauty of the desert, the blue sky, the solitude and purity of the desert. Saying she's in a better place is a hopeful platitude, but it's what I hope. I didn't do my final test run of all my gear because I fell into a pit of grief, guilt, and fogginess. So I had a couple of miles of water spurting in the desert. The water in the desert reminded me of the fertility and joy and redemption, second chances, life itself.

Did I bring her memory with me? Not for the whole race. Sometimes the grief jumped out at me. But mostly I drank in the happiness I was feeling. That's the thing about dying: you go somewhere we can't reach, until we go there too. So we are left over here, earthside, wondering what to do.

I think Charles Bukowski said it better than I ever could. Thank you, desert. Thank you, body. Thank you, family. Thank you, Kristina. Thank you, friends, sun, wind, clouds. 

The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

COVID19 in-house Day 35: Marathon

Training for a marathon is fun, but it isn't easy. This time I didn't download a program like I did in 2018 (Fredricton). Neither did I download a bunch of programs and move back and forth and get all frazzled, like I did in 2019 (Edinburgh). I just use my Runkeeper app marathon training program, for someone who can train 7 days a week and wants to finish in around five hours. Easy peasy.

Well, of course, it isn't easy peasy to run 42.195 kilometers without practising for it. So that's what I'm doing. My race got cancelled - Ottawa Marathon - and so I'm going virtual and I plan to run around a mile loop next to my house, 26 times.

It's going to be fun! My family will be hanging out on the porch with water, Nuun, Rekarb maple syrup gels, orange slices and bits of banana. They'll have the music blaring, and they'll take a pic of me every time I pass. The last mile, they're all gonna run with me, even my dog (who's been my running buddy throughout the winter).

I often try to apply my marathon experience to my daily life. If I'm at the cafe and it's 3:30 pm, and we've has a busy day, and I still have a ten k, and I have a mountain of dishes, and we had a bunch of rude customers, I just breathe and imagine I am at mile 20. I know I can run 42 k, so small things shouldn't matter, right? I am luckier than the huge majority of 63 year olds ever anywhere, and I can still run and move and all that.

Of course, this new challenge is a little more complicated. But humans are eternally adaptable, and we are adapting as well as we can to the situation. I see so many people every single day who are fighting against angst and despair, by giving to others, taking care of their own, taking care of themselves, remembering their social responsibility, trying to do good. 

The Covid19 marathon is different: we don't know the distance, we don't know who will DNF, we don't know its rules, the course, we don't have a GPS to tell us the way or volunteers to give us water. The virus has its own rules and only nature knows what the final score will be. Except that nature doesn't actually care. So we, the runners, just have to do our best, put one foot in front of the other, take care, take care. 

My training is going well. I have all the time in the world to run, as I've closed my cafe for now. I'm running faster. Sleep helps. Stress doesn't, and of course I am stressed. When can we open again? What will it be like? How safe can we make our space? But the good thing about running is that part of the deal is you don't give yourself time to think and ponder. The body takes over. 

Some practical tips for training during this time:

• Lower your expectations. Everyone is living with added stress, some more than others. You may find you're needing more sleep, eating differently, and of course if you're an essential worker then - we love you! - you are battling fatigue. While it's usually a great idea to push through in normal times, it may be better when you're trying to stay mentally and physically healthy to ease up a bit on yourself.
• Stay safe!! That computer simulation that went viral had some validity: infected slipstream snot could theoretically reach and infect an unmasked person up to ten meters behind them. ("For walking at 4 km/h a distance of about 5 m leads to no droplets reaching the upper torso of the trailing runner. For running at 14.4 km/h this distance is about 10 m. This implies that if one assumes that 1.5 m is a social distance to be maintained for two people standing still, this value would have to be increased to 5 m or 10 m for slipstream walking fast and slipstream running, respectively, to have a roughly equivalent non-exposure to droplets as two people standing still at 1.5 m distance. This leads to the tentative advice to walkers and cyclists that if they wish to run behind and/or overtake other walkers and runners with regard for social distance, they can do so by moving outside the slipstream into staggered formation when having reached this distance of about 5 m and 10 m for walking fast and running, respectively.") 
• Stay safe!! Don't run trails or neighbourhoods that you would avoid, just so you can run alone. The Covid crisis has already created a huge increase in gender-based violence; women running solo, be aware!
• If you have extra time on your hands, move your schedule around if you feel like it. If you're not feeling the long run, don't do it. This is a time for introspection, change, loosening. 
• Strength training, yoga classes, meditation are all available online if you want to learn some new skills that will keep you running strong.
• Don't dwell on the disappointments. Yip, all our spring and early summer races are cancelled. It sucks. We've lost money. It sucks. Let it go.

I'm planning on running my marathon on May 24, 2020.  For each mile I run, I'm going to ask my friends, family and others to donate a dollar. I have created a campaign to raise money to distribute food in Luwero, Uganda, to the most vulnerable families who cannot eat because of their lockdown restrictions.

I'm asking you all to send me your suggestions: if you have a campaign or a charity that you think is valuable, please let me know! Let's help others, by running around a city block!

26.2: Marathons are Fun!!

How was my second marathon? I had a really good time … I ran. I talked to a bunch of people from all over the world. I ran. I ran some more. I ran past beautiful scenery and got cheered on by many, many, many spectators (the Edinburgh marathon crowds are the best!).

Almost there! (mile 24)

The spectators? Families, lots of them. Small bands playing music – a family with mum and kids, mum playing the saxophone, kids handing out candies. Kids blowing bubbles, and us all running through them. Lots of high fives with tiny hands. Many families in their tiny front yards – music blaring, beers being drunk, candies being offered to us runners as we went by. The best? Around mile 24, a family had sliced thousands of orange slices – I’ve never tasted an orange so good!!

I hadn’t been feeling super well that morning. It’s tough flying into a new place and adjusting to the food and then running 42 k. It was raining very hard. The start of the race cured me of any doubts. There were over 7000 people racing and the energy was uplifting. We started, and ran through the old part of the city, then down to the water.

I stopped at mile 6. Nature called, and I was in and out quickly. By mile 13 I was feeling weirdly tired; I usually don’t get super tired until around mile 20. I slowed down, and started worrying about dying or not finishing the race…. then I thought about my special people. I started feeling the gratitude that I knew would carry me through. I am so grateful for the body I have: the legs that can carry me over roads and hills; the lungs that can breathe deeply enough to energize me for hours as I run; the metabolism that is fine with a little starvation or thirst.

At mile 14 I started a game. I pretended I was running a half-marathon. I imagined myself going out the door and getting on the metro, on my way to a half marathon race in Montreal. I picked up speed and my energy returned. I was psyched, and happy, I smiled throughout almost the whole distance.

We entered a forest and when we left it, at around mile 20, the wind started. Big time. Gusts up to 24 mph, and a headwind that made it hard to breathe. Last marathon I ran, I created a headwind out of my emotional state that held me back. This time, I was doing great, and the wind was physical and intense. I ran through it, and finally I reached the finish line. My husband was there but I didn’t even see him. He said I looked like I was gliding, and I was. I finished the distance, and I did it with gratitude in my heart and a smile on my face.

But my time? How fast did I go??? That’s the question on everybody’s mind, because after all, it is a race. Well, actually, I ran it 8 minutes slower than my first one, and my first one was 5:34…and I was super disappointed last time.

So am I disappointed now? No! Sure I’d love to run faster, and I have already identified some things I have to tweak. Logistics things, and training things (thanks Perse!) But I’m not disappointed because I realized that, for me, the pleasure is in the journey. I’m not talking about being super happy with a DNF. But I’m happy and proud that I ran the whole way, and that I succeeded in my goal.

In these times of self-aggrandizement, mutual back-patting, and public vilification, everybody wants to post about how well they did: I beat my PR! My birth was just what I wanted! I am the best volunteer person in history! I lost 375 pounds in a week! And on, and on, ad nauseum.

What’s behind this nonsense though? A simple human need, that has grown pathologically because we have so much time on out hands. The need is simple: everybody wants to be loved; to be special; to matter. And so we create a persona for ourselves that our tricky minds convince us will better reach that goal. How much do you leave out when you’re posting all your stuff on the social media? More importantly, because who really cares about a reality made up of electrical impulses (oh, I forgot, that’s the human physical reality…), more importantly, how are we damaging ourselves when we create incomplete or misleading stories about ourselves?

Alcoholics Anonymous has helped millions of people live with their addiction. Addiction never really goes away, but people learn to manage the fact that they are addicts and they can live happy, productive lives. The organization, of course, has its critics, but one of the main tenets is honesty. That is, the ability to describe yourself honestly to yourself and others.

I’m struggling with this idea. To try to be honest to yourself? Always! That’s part of the main tasks of life itself, I believe. To discover who you are and to refine and make that person better, and to live “yourself” as honestly as possible. To try to be honest with others? Mostly, and mostly superficially, it’s a good idea. Don’t lie, swindle, cheat.

But are some secrets better kept … secret? A difficult diagnosis, for a while. A difficult past. Some traumatic events that don’t need to be talked about. Sometimes, an inconvenient emotion. I’ve kept some secrets for many, many years. Mostly from people I don’t know: I’m not one of those people who tell their whole difficult life story on air and feel the public love because of it. But some secrets I’ve kept from people very close to me. Is that wrong? I’m not sure.

So, from the profound to the superficial: I’m an amateur runner, and I run at a pretty average speed for my age. I’m a “back-of-the-pack” racer, and happy and grateful that my body works so well. But I still felt a twinge of self-doubt when I looked at the results and saw that embarrassing number. 5:42:20. Sheesh. Couldn’t I have run faster? Hey, I ran a full marathon, and I did it with a smile on my face. What could be better than that?

The Runner's Alphabet

A is for Attitude.

B is for Badass

C is for Calories

D is for Depression

E is for Endorphins

F is for Friends

G is for Gym

H is for Happiness

I is for Intervals

J is for Joints

K is for Knees

L is for Love

M is for Marathon

N is for Victory

O is for Oxygen

P is for PR

Q is for Quads

R is for Runners

S is for Smile

T is for Training

U is for Underwear

V is for V02

W is for Woman

X is for Cross-training

Y is for You!

Z is for Zen

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTU and VWXYZZZ now I know my ABCs
next time won't you run with me?

Three Things I Learned From my First Marathon (and didn't expect to!)

I learned a lot from running my first marathon. I spoke about it here. But there were three things I learned from my first marathon that I didn't expect!

Running a marathon isn’t easy. Ever. It’s not supposed to be. Some would say it’s the hardest of all the races: a half marathon is definitely doable – run for one to three hours and you’re done. An ultra is longer (much longer!) but you can take little breaks. But a marathon is 26.2 miles of pushing yourself to get your best time in a long, long distance. I learned three things running my first marathon that I didn't expect to.

I thought I would learn stuff from the process. Like, how determined I can be (very, it turns out). I started a 26-week training program in November and trained through the whole winter, and winter was a doozy.

I ran outside in frigid temperatures. I did my last long runs in April, when I still had ice crystals snapping at my face. I ate well. I went to bed early and did my runs, even on the treadmill if I had to.

I learned about how fast I am. I’m kind of average, for my age (my marathon time was 13 minutes slower than the average woman 60-69). I learned how great it feels to beat your PR: one of my training runs was a 21 k so I decided to run the Hypothermic Half and beat my PR by 7 minutes! I learned how it feels to run a marathon. It feels good, hard, inspiring, and a little daunting.

An unexpected bonus to this achievement was a sense of accomplishment that lasts. I don't feel self-conscious about my body; my shyness level has gone down; I feel more self-confident, because I know that I can run 26.2 miles.

I also learned a whole lot more that I really wasn’t expecting.

The Three Unexpected Lessons I Learned (and some philosophical ponderings)

1. Running is Life

I didn’t know. I didn’t understand the extent that my daily, lived experiences mattered to the outcome of my race. I learned that you can’t separate what happens to you: to your body, your mind, your emotions; you can’t separate your experience from your running being.

In that sense, as a midwife, I see more and more that the act of running a race is so much like the act of giving birth. When a woman gives birth, she is the product of everything that has happened to her up until the moment she births her child. How she gives birth is hugely affected by her life experiences up until that moment. Of course, in life there are random exterior factors like a grumpy nurse, a blister, bad weather, or an unforeseen birth complication. But generally, in my experience, the way that birth unfolds is pretty much a continuation of how that person’s life has unfolded up until now.

And, of course, time and existence being what it is, everything that has happened up until now is also happening now, so how I am reacting to the “now” and to the past, and to everything I have experienced or I am now experiencing, also blends into my experience as a whole; how it unfolds, and also how I feel about it unfolding (which in turn affects the “how”). So in birth, I can be terrified and traumatized by past events, and I can let those events dictate how I will feel during the primal experience of giving birth. With the right support, and a sprinkling of luck, that fear and trauma can be transcended. But without support, education and training, the main emotion throughout the experience will be fear and that will color the memory of the experience and the experience itself.

Racing is Birthing?

But I didn’t give birth; I just ran a marathon! Yes, true (I did give birth actually, five times). Obviously giving birth to another human is more primal, more important, more useful than running 26.2 miles. But the dynamic is the same. Everything I had experienced up to and including the race profoundly affected the race, my feelings about it, my body, and my ability to succeed.

The Nitty-Gritty?

Okay, here’s the nitty-gritty: the story that must be told so that you can figure out what I’m really talking about. My training went okay. I started in November and dutifully crossed the days off as the winter progressed. I felt good. I was getting faster, or at least I was feeling stronger. I got a little time out of the cold in January, went away for a week to a runner’s paradise – Lisbon. By March my long runs were increasing and by early April I was starting to feel tired. Not tired, well yes tired but just “blah”. Like, blah about training. Blah about everything. I spoke to a trainer and she rewrote my program a little, added some longer runs, suggested I do timed runs instead of distance for the really long ones, suggested a taper (that’s when you start running less as you enter the last two to three weeks before your race). I felt a little nervous after I spoke to her. “Can I really do this?” “Am I gonna finish in six hours???”

Mid-April, things were starting to turn against me. I run a café, it’s amazing, business started to boom like never before (Yay!). I was up at 6:30 every morning to open, and my runs were after work with a long run on Sunday.

I was dealing with some emotional issues during the last weeks of April. I couldn’t shake them; felt sad, down, and fatigued. I know that May is my sad month. I have no idea why. Do y’all feel this way at a certain time of year? But I kept training, and kept doing my long runs.

I fell apart during the taper, filling up the time that I spared from doing long runs with extra busy work at home and at the café. I stayed up late on weekend nights even though I didn’t want to. I started feeling physically sick and missed a really fun race (WingsforLife) because I couldn’t get out of bed and make it down there. And because I figured I’d be the oldest person there, and everyone else would be French (Google language issues Montreal).

I still didn’t get it. I uber-organized. Booked the Airbnb, the flights, planned the food for the weekend. By the time I got on the plane, I was exhausted. I slept the hour flight. Coming down the stairs at the airport I tripped and almost fell. When I got to our place, I realized I hadn’t packed warm enough clothing (luckily Mother Nature smiled the day of the race and my gear was perfect for the weather). I was so tired I spent Friday night and Saturday in a daze. Sunday morning I got dressed and headed to the race. I wore my hydration pack, just like on my training runs. In the back of my head was the rationale that if the water stands closed down I would still have water. The race limit was six hours; of course I would have water!

As I started my race, I put on my music (just one earbud, like they said). I just didn’t get into the groove. Not one of my favourite tracks was getting me going; in fact looking back I don’t remember any super fun moments from that race. Of course, I remember with huge gratitude and love when my husband met me at the halfway mark, and when he greeted me at the finish line with flowers (it was Mother’s Day). And when my sister rode what seemed like a huge bicycle up the trail and cheered me on for my last four miles. But for every other race, and many of my runs, I can hear a song and remember exactly where I was running when that song bounced into my head. Not for this race. Not one.

Which leads me to my next lesson: Body is Mind

2. Body is Mind

I learned that you can’t just train your body and ignore your mind. We don’t understand how every single thought and feeling dips into our physical existence. But it does. I felt fit. I felt strong. I felt capable. But I was planning to wear my hydration pack, just in case. Somewhere in me was a thought, or a doubt, that I would be so slow that I needed to carry extra water. Emotionally, I was sad. I was spinning in tired circles wondering about how to be a better person. I wasn’t feeling bold and strong emotionally or mentally. I was feeling tired, run-down, and in need of a vacation from everything.

So what happened when I started running my first marathon? I had been spinning in such worried little circles that by the time I was ready to run, my mind switched off and stopped working for me. In a good race, your mind and your emotions do fifty percent of the work. You feel good, you run well; you feel better; you run better. Your music is right; everything feels good. You are on top of the world; you run straight and tall. Your breathing comes naturally, your shoulders are relaxed, your gait is fast and natural.

My mind switched off because it couldn’t stay on and run a race. I was too full of questions and worries: work, home, family. Nothing could quieten my scrabbling mind so it decided to check out. And what was I left with? My body! And, of course, it could run a marathon. I ran the distance. I plodded to the finish line. My shoulders drooped, my legs wouldn’t move right, my spirits were low, but I did it!

Now I know that physical training is not enough. I have to train my mind and my emotions to work with me and for me when I run. And when that is happening, then another wonderful thing happens. Life itself gets better! When I will myself to run tall and listen to my breath, I feel better and I can run better. When I change a feeling of resentment or anger into one of gratitude or love, I feel better and I run better. When I start to practice these transformations so that I run better, they naturally spill over into my life. It’s pretty easy for me to feel really good about the time I ran – I’m 61, I’ve been running seriously for about four years, and I did my first marathon in 5:34. Yay! It was harder the other day when I felt like my husband was being controlling. I started to feel resentful, then I switched it around in my head and started to feel grateful that he was organizing the thing instead of me having to. And of course I felt better, he felt better, and I’m sure our feelings ran in our blood to make our bodies better and stronger.

So, life influences running influences life. The mind and emotions are deeply and profoundly caught in our bodies. But just knowing this and being able to write about it and do it aren’t enough:

3. Training Really Counts!

No matter how great I’m feeling, even if I’ve managed to completely eliminate negative feelings, train my mind to work for me and my emotions not to jeopardize me, I still need to train right.

This just means that you have to find a program and follow it. Find a program that works for you, or if you can afford it and you need it, then get yourself a trainer who can personally help you reach your goal. Once you’ve found your program, stick with it, and do exactly what it says. Speed work is speed work. Track work is track work. Do the work that you are told to do – it will make a huge difference. Strength training is also something that its easy to forget about, especially if you don’t have time and you’re already putting so much time into your runs. But it’s essential to help your body move through those final miles with grace and speed.

Most importantly, train yourself to have fun when the going gets tough. For my first marathon, the going got tough way before I even started, so I was running into a headwind made up of my own emotional fatigue. Love every minute of it; teach yourself how to experience joy even when your run is hard. You’ll see; joy will spread.

5 Tips For Running (and enjoying!) Your First Marathon

Last Mother's Day, I ran a marathon!

What an accomplishment! I trained for 26 weeks, hard. I ran when it was raining, snowing, ice pelleting, and in between. I didn't drink (too much). I watched my diet (I ate instead of forgetting to eat). Maybe I was boring. But I ran a marathon (that's 42.195 kilometers). My first marathon!

I learned a lot from this experience. From Day One of training way back in November, to right now, I have been learning about determination, strength, and flexibility, among other things. Here are five tips to share with anyone who's interested in training for and running their first marathon.

1. Take Your Taper Seriously

Most marathon or half-marathon training plans include a taper at the end of the training. For a marathon, my training plan suggested a three week taper after my longest run. During this time, your mileage per week decreases, your frequency of runs decreases, and you are supposed to eat well, keep hydrated, and rest especially during the last week.

Did I do a successful taper? Not really. I decreased my running frequency and mileage too much, because I was plagued with minor ailments. I put that time instead into work and home, instead of resting. Have a look at your taper plan, and follow exactly what it says!

Half your training is physical, and half is mental. If you're super fit but stressed and inflexible, then you may be able to finish the race but you will do yourself harm. If you float on self-confidence, but you haven't done the physical work, then you're not gonna finish.

What does "rest" mean? Well, it doesn't mean stressing that your life is not as serene as you would like it to be. But it does mean getting to bed early, cutting out all unnecessary activities, and increase any activity you find relaxing and energizing. During that crucial last week, try to spend time every day organizing your race. Which leads me to the second tip:

2. The Devil in the Details

My family was teasing me that I was totally obsessing over the details, but I don't think I was precise enough! As they say, the devil in the details, which means that there's always some little thing that can potentially go wrong. And you really do not want to spend your whole race wishing you had brought your favourite pair of socks.

First things first, though. Choose your race wisely! Things to consider: location, cost (registration, travel and accommodation), type of race course (hills, flat, urban, rural), size of the race, speed (look at the results from former years to see if you will fit in the middle or you'll be right at the back of the pack).

Make lists! This site has lots of lists, plans and other tools for runners: All About Marathon Training.

If you're traveling for your race, you have to figure out what to take with you. Take all your running clothes!! You do not know what the weather will be like, and you don't want to leave something behind (I did, but not a super important thing). Take your race nutrition and whatever you use for hydration. Take your lucky charms, if you're superstitious. I brought my lucky hanky, which I got from my pocket at around mile 20 to wipe my face with.

I found an Airbnb for myself and my husband, which was super conveniently located right next to the race start. But you might want the buzz of staying with other runners, in the sponsored hotel. Think about it before you book.

Plan your meals carefully before the race. If you're travelling, you may want to take food with you, or at least make sure what you usually eat will be available.

I chose to wear my hydration backpack, and also my waist belt for my iPhone because that's how I did all my long runs, and I was happy I did. If you love to listen to music while you run, make sure you have it set up for yourself and have a good playlist. You don't want to be fiddling with controls or asking Siri to skip a song you don't like. Here's my playlist: running. I just wear an earbud in one ear for most of my long runs, which is fine. I brought raisins to munch on, and HoneyStinger energy chews, because I really don't like gels or Gatorade. I took water every chance I could.

Remember to plan for after the race too! You will want to change, shower, eat and drink water. And the worst thing you can do is sit down right away - you will feel it! Keep gently moving, eat lots, drink LOTS of water, and go to bed early.

3. Gratitude is the Key

I had to use my sense of gratitude quite a few times during this run. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't really fun. I was grateful every minute though, for the beauty I found myself in, for the support from my family and friends, for my body ... and gratitude helped me finish.

I read a fantastic article about Desiree Lindon's amazing Boston victory. The race was tough, with many of the elites dropping out from the cold and rain. What jumped out at me in this story was her generosity and kindness towards her fellow runners. Yes, she won, and yes, her competitive spirit helped her win. But during the race, she helped out her fellow runners a couple of times. I thought of her when I was looping back for my second loop, and a runner asked me if I'd passed a porta-potty. No, I hadn't. I stopped and told her I'd cover while she went in the bushes. It just took a few seconds - and then I was on my way - and running way faster! Caring for your fellow humans is definitely a good option.

4. Stay in the Moment

I wrote in my last post about some ways I thought I would be able to achieve my goal. They worked! I used the mantra "light" many times during the run. Of course, the beautiful light on the water right next to me really helped with that. I tried to love my run, and that worked until I got to a hard place where it didn't any more. I practiced compassion: every so often I would pass a runner who was kind of moaning or grunting with every step. I felt compassion for the assholes who yelled from a van "Good Job, Keep Going, Happy Suicide!". Sheesh.

Mile 24

But mostly I discovered that running a marathon is really about staying in the moment. You can't think about all those miles you have to run; it's not useful. You have to run the actual mile you're running, as best as you possibly can. Breathe the air, step one foot after the other, have a handful of raisins. Drink some water. Keep on running. Try to run fast. If you can't run fast, then just run.

 5. Have Fun!

But most of all, be happy! Have fun! Keeping a smile on your face is so important. And that goes for living life, as well as for running marathons. Don't sweat the time, for your first marathon. It's a huge achievement just to finish. My memorable moments were: seeing all the coltsfoot growing along the water's edge. Running next to a beautiful river. Being completely on my own for a while on the trail. Having everyone ring their bells and yell positive things at me every time I passed a water station or a volunteer. Talking to another runner and listening to her advice for me. Seeing my sister on a large bicycle at around mile 22, and having her accompany me almost to the finish line. Finishing the race! And getting a bunch of roses from my husband.

Running's just like living: you gotta be happy with what you have, stay in the moment, practise gratitude, compassion and love, and keep on keeping on.

Can Mrs Tiggywinkle run a marathon?

Almost There!

Last night I ran my 101st run in my 26 week marathon training. I want to run a marathon. There's no instant gratification! It's a lot of running. A lot of miles. A lot of time on my own to think about life.

Mrs. Tiggywinkle is my favourite Beatrix Potter character, and I think she might be my spirit animal. I think I look like her. When I run past a window, I look sideways and there she is. She's patient, kind and lovable, all the things I want to be. She's also prickly and stubborn, the things I know I am.

But have I trained enough to run a marathon?

Marathons are like life, you never know what's going to happen until its happening. I'm ready, and that's all I can be. There's flooding happening in Fredericton, where for some weird reason about 18 months ago I decided to run my first marathon, so they changed the course. I studied the old course, and street-viewed it obsessively. Now it's different. Yip.

What if I...

am the last person to finish?

don't finish?

die?

Those are the only things I'm worried about. Other than that, all good. I have my outfit picked out, my lucky hanky packed, food, a water backpack (in case I really am the last person!) ... shoes, socks... damn I am good to go! I am gonna run a marathon!

How will I get through it?

First of all, by running. It's easy enough, you just put one foot down then the other one. Remember to breathe.

The fact that I even got to the point where I am heading for the starting line is a huge deal - the work has been done.

I have some inspiration and mental tricks to keep me going.

When I'm running for a long time, I often think of my family and I feel very grateful that all my guys are behind me. Haha, not literally. My kids and my husband have always been super supportive, if a little bored at times when I talk endlessly of pace and distance.

I have two wonderful people who are my inspiration. Perse has been my friend for 51 years!!! She is an athlete, a coach, a mother, wife, grandmother, and a cancer survivor. When I think of her endurance, strength, cheerfulness in the face of obstacles, stubbornness ... all the best qualities an athlete needs, I am humbled.

And my cousin Becky. She was born with a body that doesn't listen to her brain. Becky works so hard physically just to live her life. She's cheerful, stubborn, and tough. When she's working her way down a flight of stairs, she needs the strength and power that I need to run a marathon, and she needs it every single moment of every day. She is my absolute hero.

And I would like to thank ...

My friends, my running buddies, my Facebook running group, God for giving me a healthy body, some special people who have given me their time and attention to help me train better... the awful Montreal weather that has allowed me to be proud of training in sub-zero temperatures, week after week ...

Running Mantras?

Light. Run light. Tall and light. Just plain light.

You can do this! (simple and cliched but it works)

Love, Gratitude, Compassion. Can I feel love for it? Can I feel gratitude for it? Can I feel compassion?

If all else fails, I tell myself in a loud inner voice that I can FUCKING CRUSH THIS THING.

See y'all down the road!

Keep on running, or walking, or just living. Remember, you got this thing!

The Perfect Run? It's All in your Head!

The Perfect Run?

Does it exist? Of course it does! When you're out the door, on a beautiful day, with nothing to do but spend the next couple of hours running. Your shoes are perfectly tied, your clothes fit. It's a lovely warmish dry day. You didn't eat too much or too little, you have nothing to worry about ... you're in heaven! You're gonna have a perfect run!

Reboot.

Then there are those other runs, the ones from the dark side.

Yesterday I headed out for a long run - 3 3/4 hours worth - and I knew it wouldn't be good. I couldn't find the right clothes; my hair was itchy down my back; I realized way too late in the day I hadn't eaten enough, so I gobbled down some crusty toast and cashew butter just before leaving, and  tried to make a protein shake but I forgot to put the lid on properly, at least I was near the sink so when I shook it most of the explosion landed .... you get the picture. Anyway, I headed out and started putting those feet one after the other.

Reflections.

You know when you're running, and you feel pretty good, tall and svelte, running across a beautiful meadow in your mind? Then you catch a glimpse of yourself in a store window? That's right. There she was, Mrs. Tiggywinkle, bouncing along, with her pink bobble hat bouncing on top of her head. And she was going so slowly! She checked her watch. Yip. Going slow.

More Reflections.

Then I started talking to myself. I started trying to pull myself away from the gloom that had descended upon me over the past few days. The best way to do this, I find, is just to concentrate on the body. What's happening with my breath? Is my chest open? How are my shoulders? Is my torso straight? Hands relaxed by my sides? Is my jaw clenched? Head upright? How's my gait? Are my hips working well? How are my feet landing? That little knee pain I had, what's happening with that? How many steps am I taking per minute? They say 180 is good. For a while I run ...two...three...one ... two ... three ...all good.

Onward!

I decided I would run this 225 minute run in three stages: the first stage would be hills, up to "the mountain" and around there on the trails for a bit. I got there and there was still lots of snow. Staying on the roads and sidewalks was easier, so I lengthened the next leg and ran far, far into the east end of the city. The third leg was easier in a way: I knew I was going home and I knew I would achieve my time goal. But harder because I'm learning that at around the three-hour mark I get kind of bored with my own company, and my legs start to get a little heavy.

I had some fancy sports jelly-beans with me that helped with my energy level, and a nice backpack with water, so physically I was set. But mentally? Not good! My mind wouldn't stop burrowing around with this and that thought, and any time I would catch one of those squirrelly things, it would run away and then sneak up on me a couple of kilometres down the road. Thoughts of my finances, the cafe finances; my kids and if they are happy; my husband and our life together; the refugees I didn't really help much in Greece last year; why refugees anyway; why is there evil in the world, and I would remember to concentrate on my breath, my gait, my steps ... and have a little peace and then it would all start again.

The Triumphant Return

Anyhow, I ran home, stretched, ate a burger, and all was well.

Yes, reader, you guessed it.

I had a great week! Really! Okay, the cafe was packed (yay!), I had lots to do at home to prepare for Passover (yay!), I got my two short runs in and my cross-training (yoga - yay!), and then BOOM!

Friday afternoon I'm clearing my flowers (spring -yay!). I did a nice deep squat and could hardly get up - my knee!! So, RICE for the weekend, and no stairs, and no running, and no long run especially (it was gonna be four hours) ... and a lot of time to think.

Yes, "we are made of dreams and bones". Bones, muscles, fascia, all that physical stuff ... super important, especially when you're training to run a marathon. Also when you're giving birth, making love, eating...But the "dream" part - without that, we're nothing! If you don't have that dream, rather, if you allow yourself to grumble instead of dream; if you bring your unhappinesses  "along inside your soul", and let them drag behind you, then your body will suffer.

Lesson Learned?

The lesson I learned from my knee? Just as I check my water, phone for music, watch, that I'm wearing the right clothes for the weather, that I've had my last-minute pee and that I've eaten enough ... I need to check my mental state and throw my emotional garbage out before my long run. Because if I don't, it will grind away at my joints, crumple up my fascia, brittle down my cartilage and generally make a mess of things - the longer the run, the bigger the mess.

In life, as in birth work, as in running - leave your ego at the door, lace up, and go have fun! You will get your perfect run.

Marathon Training Update, Day 14 of 102!

I've got through over 15% of my marathon training, and how do I feel? Honestly, I wish I felt how she looks ... but I don't and here's why:

I am following a program that is for "Beginners" - that means I don't (yet) run 30-40 k a week, but I can easily run 5-7 k. I've run three half-marathons so far (that's 21 k) so I'm definitely good to go. The program asks for four sessions a week, mostly running with an occasional bout of cross training. Check it out here. I like it so far. I like the way it is building up slowly and it also gives me three rest days a week, which makes things easier to handle in terms of bigger-picture time management.

Time management is a huge deal if you're thinking of running a marathon. Right now, in the early days, I only take a half an hour to complete my runs, but as the training gets more intense it will ask more from me. I have to be disciplined and still keep on top of everything else in my life: my cafe, my family, taking care of myself, writing, teaching doula classes. The list goes on.

On Day 7, I did my second "long run". It was a three mile run (I did 5 k) and I was really happy with my speed! It was cold and icy out so I thought I was going slowly. I wasn't checking my pace during the run, and I was pleasantly surprised when I got home. I figured the training plan was really working! The gradual increase in distance and time spent on the runs; my faster pace even with extra caution because of the icy patches ... my only problem was a very cold butt (by the way, ladies, did you know that this is a common problem for us, because of our nicely shaped bums?) See here for some tips.

Women's merino boxers

What to do? Warm merino underwear, then your winter running pants? These ones here are 85% merino.
Running pants with warmer shorts on top? Warm leggings with a winter running skirt or shorts? When I wear leggings under my pants my knees get cold, so I cut a pair of leggings at the knee. But then everything felt too tight around my waist. Ideally? I would love to find a legging/skirt combo made for women runners. Anyone?

Cold bum aside, by Day 9 I was feeling a little grumpy. My fartlek on Day 10 I did with my faithful four-legged running buddy but even she didn't cheer me up. My pace was mediocre.

Best running buddy ever!

Day 11 was hard. I was supposed to do an easy 5 k and my day went sideways before I knew it and I, well, long story short, I didn’t run. I ended up on the couch, late, reading and drinking tea while my family slept. I told myself I would run Saturday night. Saturday is my rest day, and I take full advantage of it. I sleep late, eat well, drink lots of water, and do whatever I want – which is usually to catch up on my reading. (Friend me on Goodreads!)

 

I went out Saturday night and did my 5 k. I’m not a huge fan of running after dark. Safety issues bug me. Visibility is super important after dark. I’ve been wearing a jacket with some reflective stripes, and carrying a little flashing bicycle lamp, but I’m buying a reflective vest. If it’s icy, the slippery patches are less visible when it’s dark, so make sure you wear proper gear or know where the ice is. I always imagine the crazy stalkers come out after dark, so I get scared and run like I’m being followed, which isn’t great for my form. And super paranoid, since it’s only six pm. If you’re paranoid like me, stay on busier streets and make sure you only wear one earphone if you’re listening to music.

 

Sunday is my Long Run day. There’s a little bit of controversy over the long run, some say it’s only beneficial mentally and not physically. I believe it is the most important run of my week, and Strength Running concurs. In any race training plan, you will do usually one long run per week up to a few weeks before the race, then you will start to taper down the distance in order to be at optimum fitness for your race. Since I just started my plan, it calls for a starter long run of three miles at the end of the second week, and increase up to a maximum of 20 miles at week 22. Day 12 was supposed to be my 4 miler (6.4 k).

 

Sunday, my plan was to arrive at my café at 8am, cook and serve brunch, and get home by 4:30 so I could get out the door and do my 7k by the time it got dark. Ha! By 2pm I felt SICK. Burning pains up and down my spine, a crazy itching spot on my shoulder, crying spells that luckily didn’t show up while I was serving customers, and an extreme fatigue. I felt like I was gonna die. I tweeted @JasonFitz1 – he is super available for any running questions (even though he is running a business, is a runner himself, and has a newborn!) about running when you are feeling sick and he basically told me what I already knew. If it’s above the neck, you’re usually good to go: headache, mild sore throat without a fever, head cold, hangover, broken heart. If it’s below your neck – gastro, bladder, chest and cough – then you should probably stay home.

 

Well I felt like I should run, and probably could run but I was so tired I wanted to cry! My husband came to get me and took me to my favourite spot: the library!

 

Bibliotheque Nationale du Quebec

I love this place! I spent some time here and got some books out, and then I went home and collapsed onto the couch. My family prepared steaks and I ate, then I crashed back onto the couch with a book…

 

Man did I feel guilty! You can’t miss your long run, just because you’re feeling sick! How are you going to run a marathon if you can’t even do a simple 7 k? You’re a loser! Insults aside, exercise guilt is a thing. Read about it here. Guilt is not good for you, in any way. It provides your body with enough stress hormones to cancel out all the good stuff you have achieved with your running. Guilt can affect your cardiovascular, endocrinological, digestive and inflammatory processes in your lovely bod. So don’t go there! Healthy Chicks agree.

 

What you can do, however, if you’re skipping a run, instead of feeling guilty and sorry for yourself, is visualize that you are actually on a nice easy long run. This technique affects your muscles and can stimulate them – not as much as a real run would do, of course, but to a small extent, and anyway daydreaming about running is way more pleasurable than beating yourself up about not running.

 

Did I do that? No, I felt guilty, I went to work, and I cried when I got home, because I was so tired and such a loser. So? What happened? Why did I crash so bad only there weeks in to my 26 week training plan?

 

1. I put way too much on my plate. If you’re training for a marathon, something’s gotta give. Don’t take on extra projects, or you will find yourself like the Cat in the Hat with too many spinning balls.

 

2. I took myself way too seriously. Hey! It’s okay to miss a run. You’re not an Olympic star, or an elite (if you are thank you for reading this, very kind of you).

 

3. Guilt, stress, and shame took a great big bite out of my discipline and self-confidence. Let me explain. Back on Day 9, I wasn’t feeling great and I went for a run in the cold. I was chilled, and I didn’t listen to my body. I kept going – went for a twenty-minute fartlek the day after with Stella, my trusty dog. Cold again. That set off an inflammatory process, which I added to by being stressed about my progress, and I ended up with a serious Sacral Herpes outbreak. Chafing from my thrown-together winter gear; cold all around the lower sacrum; stress; ignoring initial symptoms meant that I had a full-fledged outbreak, with flu-ish symptoms, emotional backlash, terrible pain all over my lower back and shoulders.

 

But did I stop going to work? Did I tell everyone I was sick? No, I told them I was fighting “the cold that’s going around”. Why? Because herpes is bad, man. It’s got a stigma. HIV, Hepatitis, and Herpes all have a history, and they all have a stigma that makes people ashamed and guilty. The rate of infection for HSV-2 in Canada and the US is around 15%, according to the CDC in the US. If 15 per cent of all us runners are dealing with this incurable disease that can be triggered by stress, sunshine and inflammatory process, then we runners had better start talking about it!

 

Running buddies

 

Here are some tips for dealing with a herpes outbreak if you are a runner:

 

1. First of all, how can you prevent outbreaks? Your doctor can prescribe valacyclovir (or acyclovir). This is a drug that suppresses symptoms, it does not kill the virus. Around 1% of the population feel side effects to this drug, or choose not to take it for other reasons. Some people choose to take it only when they feel the “pre-symptoms” or “prodromal” symptoms such as tingling or sensitivity. Another common remedy (and the jury is out as to which is more effective) is taking L-lysine daily. This is also a powerful treatment that works to suppress symptoms and reduces outbreaks. You have to take 1000 mg per day, and it can also cause side effects.

 

2. Stress is a huge component in Herpes outbreaks, and you have to learn how to reduce the effects of stress in your life, or you will be plagued with repeat outbreaks which will further stress you out! Don’t try to reduce stress in your life – life is stressful and you can’t live in bubble wrap. But learn how to control and manage your body’s reaction to stress. Meditate, breathe, rationalize, get exercise; do whatever it takes to keep stress from creeping into your body. Stress and worry also affects your body’s ability to bounce back, whether from illness, injury, or emotional hard times. Have a look at theis helpful article from Runner’s World.

 

3. There are other triggers that can make your body ripe for an outbreak, and these are different for everyone. The main ones are: sunshine, inflammation, some foods. Obviously as runners we are outside a lot. Wear your sunscreen! Get a brand that actually works to keep your face protected through sweating.

As far as inflammatory events, that’s a tough one to avoid as a runner. If you have any chafing anywhere, or you are nursing an injury, take extra good care of yourself as that injury may precipitate an outbreak. If you are taking L-Lysine, perhaps increase your intake a little during the days you are nursing your injury. The virus actually lives at the base of the spine, so any chafing at the tops of the thighs or around your underwear line will go directly to the little bastards and start them planning their revenge.

As a runner, you are already super conscious of your nutrition. More to think about: The herpes virus seems to be affected by the balance of L-Lysine and Arginine in your body. What does this mean? These are both amino acids, which are the building blocks of protein. L-Lysine is an essential amino acid, which means that your body cannot create it, but your body can produce arginine. Both these amino acids are necessary for optimum functioning, but it is suggested that L-Lysine actually inhibits the reproductive capacity of the herpes virus, whereas arginine stimulates it. However, it is not a great idea to either reduce or increase either of these amino acids drastically; they are both necessary for a healthy metabolism. Personally, I avoid foods (or supplements – check your protein powder!)  with high arginine content, and I take 1000 g of L-Lysine every day.

 

4. Know what your pre-outbreak symptoms are and act on them immediately. Some common prodromal symptoms are: extreme fatigue – the kind where you feel like crying because you have to make dinner; a tingling or achy feeling where you usually have your outbreaks (oral, genital, or on your buttocks, lower back or, more rarely, elsewhere); a flu-ish feeling – generalized achiness, feverish, maybe a sore throat or a headache. What to do if you feel like you have an outbreak coming on? Skip your run! You can do some gentle yoga, or just lie down and watch The Barkley, or read a running book (my Goodreads list). Take your meds (whether its Valtrex or L-Lysine)! Try to rest, and eat well!

 

You are a runner for your own reasons. Many of us just love the feeling of moving our bodies through space, whether we are in a crowded urban area, a leafy suburb, a desert or a leafy trail, or a snowridden landscape.

 

#winterrunning #marathontraining Day 17

 

We runners love the isolation of running alone, and we love the camaraderie of running with a group. We are competitive, if not against others, then at the very least against ourselves. We are grateful for our health and do our very best to maintain it. But some of us (maybe one in seven) must be extra careful, and we have to work just that little bit harder to stay healthy, by knowing when to stop and when to play hard.

 

Half Marathon 2:3, so hot!

 

 

Happy running! Stay healthy!

 

ps. I am now on Day 17 and totally back on track. Except it suddenly got to be winter here and I need those merino boxers!!