Travel Guide for Lady Runners

Well of course you bring all your running gear: shoes, road or trail, 2 pairs of socks, running shorts or skirt, leggings, rain jacket, buff (maybe 2), hankie, 2 t-shirts, hydration belt or vest, headlamp, sun visor, watch ... and y'all have special little running items you might bring. Of course if you're travelling to colder climes for some icy trail running then you'll need extra pants, gloves, hat and a winter jacket. 

The problem is, what else can you stuff in your carry-on after you've packed all your running essentials?

Just recently, I visited Los Angeles to see my baby grandson, my son and his wife. I got my running stuff safely stowed away in my carry-on. Ok. Then what? Forget bringing presents for everyone. I'm going away for ten days, but it's still ten days of clothing.

What's the best carry-on?

*duffle

*suitcase

*backpack 

All three of these bags can have wheels, which makes them more convenient.

Remember that most airlines allow another bag too, so I don't like the backpack option for my carry-on, since I use the biggest backpack I have for my extra bag. And a duffle can be heavy to carry if you're wandering around an airport. So my conclusion is a small wheelie suitcase is actually the best, or a backpack with wheels if you like carrying heavy bags on your bag. I've tried all three. Last summer I walked through Florence with my carry-on backpack on my back and my small backpack in my hand. It was hot! A few years ago I tied a rope around my too-heavy duffel bag and dragged it through the airport like a dog. Then again, try wheeling a wheelie up a gravel road.

So, it's important to figure out where you'll be spending time moving your bag from one place to the next, and plan accordingly. Then you also have to figure out your maximum volume "personal item". I have a lovely leather purse but that can't be my personal item because its too small. A backpack is best, preferably one with a water bottle pocket. 

Now you have your carryon, your personal bag, and all your stuff. What to take??

Running Gear

• shoes, road and/or trail
• 2 pairs of socks
• running shorts or skirt 
• leggings
• rain jacket
• buff (maybe 2)
• toque
• hankie
• 2 T-shirts
• arm warmers
• hydration belt or vest
• headlamp
• sun visor
• watch 
• protein powder or your favourite gels

Of course if you're travelling to colder climes for some icy trail running then you'll need extra pants, gloves, hat and a winter jacket ... and y'all have special little running items you might bring. 

Other Clothes

• 3 T-shirts
• 2 long-sleeved shirt (one fancy)
• fleece or hoodie
• 2 pants or skirts (one fancy)
• 2 dresses (one fancy)
• 5 underwear
• 3 socks
• pyjamas
• flips flops
• bathing suit
• regular shoes or boots

Other Stuff

• jewelry
• shower bag: try to avoid liquids by using bar shampoo, conditioner and soap. Don't forget your travel sized toothpaste, deodorant, mouthwash, nail clippers, and your favourite moisturizer. I love to bring facial towelettes and I always like to have a washcloth
• makeup if you use it
• chargers, laptop, phone, earphones
• book
• journal or notebook, pen
• small day pack/ waist pack or purse
• snacks/protein bar
• water bottle
• earplugs
• vitamins or meds

Of course you're not going to forget your passport and all your important stuff right?

Annoying Stuff

Ok, so it's winter here but you're going to somewhere warmer? You do have to wear your winter jacket to the airport, and just pack it into a shopping bag if you don't need it where you're going. It's summer here and you're going somewhere cold? Why on earth would you do that?

Presents! If you're going to visit family or friends, or when you're coming home, you want to bring gifts right? But there's no room in your carry-on. You have to think very carefully about gifts, before you pack, and if you plan on bringing a ton of presents and/or bottles back you may want to budget for a check-in bag on your way back. Don't rely on duty free; I've noticed since the pandemics there are often unexpected closures, even in the bigger airports.

Bottom line: have fun! Make sure you bring anything you'll need for your daily run! Buon Viaggio!!

Birth (and life) after Cesarean

I love to listen to birth stories. Many of the stories that I hear are a testimony to the pregnant woman's great ability to "animal out" on her attendant. My favorite is the story of a young woman who had her first daughter by cesarean section She became pregnant again the same month and it turned out she was carrying twins. Her doctor was very alarmed and booked her for a cesarean at 38 weeks, She went into labor at 36 weeks and delivered two lovely girls, vaginally.

Of course, women who are trying for vaginal birth after cesarean don't always have such fine stories to tell. Two remarks have stayed with me over the years, and these were both delivered by obstetricians to a laboring woman. The first was: “Childbirth is like war, and I am on the front line.” The second: “This is Monday morning in a busy hospital. There are road accidents, emergencies …” This was said to a woman who wanted to labor a little more before the decision was made to go to surgery, implying that the birth of a child had to be scheduled in somehow between a messy car accident and some other horrific case. Why did this man want to become an obstetrician? How did he feel about his "patients"? How had he been born? What was it about birth that suggested to him images of war?
What is it about childbirth that makes these people think in terms of war, car accidents, death? Is it just fear? And if it is, what exactly are they afraid of? And , more importantly, where does the midwife fit into this mosaic of fear, or does she fit in it all?

Doctors and midwives who are afraid of childbirth are partly afraid because of their training. Allopathic medicine teaches about pathology rather than the whole healthy being, and pregnancy is often seen as a pathologic condition. But there is another more profound reason for this fear, and it has to do with the fact that Western medical training teaches health workers to rely only upon their own knowledge. How does this lead to fear?
Let me explain. During childbirth there is something present that is outside of us as individuals, out­ side our knowledge, even outside our experience or our skill. That "something" has to do with faith. It is only with a leap of faith that you can appreciate or even accept that a new human being comes out of a woman's vagina. Without that leap of faith, what happens? Two things: more obviously, you have to interfere, pull it out, cut it out another way. But another thing happens as well. Strangely, your faith (most of us have faith in something) gets turned inwards. As an obstetrician, you have faith only in your own skill. And that is what is frightening-- that an event which cries out for the presence of God gets reduced to the simply human.

I'm sure that there are obstetricians who works differently, but I think that it is easier for a mid­wife to accept that there is something else, something larger than herself, working through a birthing woman. It is quite noticeable how many mid­wives are religious, how many live in sight of that something which many people call God. But what happens to the sympathetic midwife working within the medical system? What happens to her sensitivity to that Other which touches us when we give birth?
I have met many diverse people over the years of working with birth.I have encountered some women who probably disliked their work, who were overtired, overworked, who had little faith in any­thing. I have also encountered mid­wives who have accepted modern medicine's vision of birth. And I have met many brave and gentle souls doctors, nurses, midwives, and doulas, who are working within the medical sys­tem and trying to maintain their faith at the same time.

What do we see in a hospi­tal? We see, first of all, an exagger­ated reliance upon technology. We know that the use of technology has a snowballing effect, creating the need for more and more complicated interventions. Secondly, we see a rigid hierar­chical structure in which usually one person is calling the shots. Finally, we see the "spiritual" infrastructure upon which this hierarchy is based, to be inward looking and grounded only in human knowledge.
What happens in the hospi­tal when things start to "go wrong," when things don't follow the pre­scribed path? When I went into the hospital in labor with my first child, the nurse, who was actually a mid­wife trained in Scotland, touched by belly and said cheerfully, "This baby will be born by noon." As time went on, she touched me less and less. By the next morning at the start of her shift, she didn't even greet me. As they let me eat and drink less and less, my cervix grew smaller, I was touched less and I began to feel more and more isolated. I was touched only when necessary. The baby's heart­ beat was checked less often. I began to feel abandoned.

Can I offer some advice to birth attendants working with women who are hoping to give birth vaginally after a cesarean section? Remember that the previous cesarean(s) have left scars not so much on the uterus as on the woman's sense that she is capable of giving birth. Accept that having a cesarean can hurt. Please don't de­scribe to her how a ruptured uterus may feel. Watch for danger signs yourself. Keep your concerns to your­self as much as possible. Remember "failure to progress" can be linked to fear and stress.
Keep things easy even when they get hard. Remember that a woman work­ing for a VBAC needs the comfort and security of her own home. Remem­ber that she may need to work on building confidence, on throwing away fear, on finding her "animal" self. Re­member as well, if it turns out to be another cesarean, don't abandon her. Give her the support through the birth and afterwards that you give any birthing woman. If a lady has another cesarean, she may feel very low; it may help her to talk to another mother who has been through the same thing. Avoid the mistake of "You're lucky the baby's okay.That's the important thing." Yes it is, obviously, but ... she may still need to grieve.

I am lucky - I have been blessed to have attended many successful VBACs during my years as a birth attendant. Thank you, again, to all the women who have shown me how fearless and strong birthing women are - not least, the woman who have said "Yes, I am ready for surgery, of course, if my baby's life is in danger."
Here's to a happy marriage of modern medicine and safe midwifery, with lower cesarean section rates and happier and healthy mothers and babies. L'Chaim! To Life!

Sovereign Womanhood and the Misappropriation of Reproduction

We DO have so much power in us. So then how do we end up filing into our hospitals with our birth plans and coming out cut or broken, with a baby in our arms?

All over the world, and especially all over North America, women are finding new ways to birth in their own sovereign power. This can be terrifying. It can be fulfilling. It can be both.

I am speaking to old women who are attending birthing mothers as Traditional Birth Companions. I speak with younger women, mothers of young children themselves, who are devoting their time to attending the births of the women in their communities. I am speaking with women who have said "No!" to the maternity care system we have installed in our countries, and who are giving birth alone or with their families. I see sisters helping sisters. I see communities that are thriving, attending each other in birth, as in life.

Here in Canada, we have very strict regulations about what constitutes someone's right to provide care to a woman during her childbearing year. If you perform any of these restricted practices, without an officially regulated midwifery license, and without being employed by and liable to the health services establishment, then you are practising midwifery without a license.

Billie Harrigan is a Traditional Birth Companion in Ontario. She does not perform restricted practices, and she does not call herself a midwife. She says that Vaginal exams are rude, but also that they constitute a very clear message that our reproductive life and our bodies are not our property: they are the property of the state, and only people mandated by the state can invade them. Number 7 of the Ontario Midwifery Act states that vaginal exams are a restricted practice. In other words, you cannot put "an instrument, hand or finger beyond the labia majora or anal verge during pregnancy, labour and the post-partum period."

Ok, don't get me wrong here. I don't actually WANT to do vaginal exams. I also think they're rude. Not only that, my doula students have heard me say for years that the only reason for so many endless vaginal exams is that medical professionals are not taught about how sexual birth is. The sexuality and the mind-blowingness and the all-out intensity of birth is sublimated into rituals such as vaginal exams (actually, it is absolutely amazing to feel a baby's head in someone's vagina. Just saying. But I keep my hands to myself.)

But my point is, that women have been regulated for far too long. Our bodies have been misappropriated by a maternity system that pretends it is doing things to us for our own good, and it is not. Why do you think many a woman going into the hospital wants (or discovers she needs) a doula by her side? Because the doula can try to prevent some of the grosser abuses from taking place. But not all. And certainly not enough. Not enough to make the difference to so many, many women who feel that they have been violated (and they have!) when all they wanted to do was to give birth to their child.

So, what is happening? Just when the pandemic started making our lives more restricted and difficult, women started wanting to birth away from Covid-infested hospitals. We all, as our lives changed, started to take deep breaths and realize that we don't actually want to go back to the old "normal". I am getting weekly calls and emails from women who want to learn about new ways of birthing. I'm connecting with women around the globe who are moving forward to change the face of birth; to change the world, starting with birth.

Want to come on board? Come along!

“Come, come, whoever you are. 

Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. 

It doesn't matter. 

Ours is not a caravan of despair. 

Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. 

Come, yet again, come, come.” 

Rumi

And, if you are one of us who has indeed experienced trauma, abuse, and despair during your birthing, even more reason for you to move away from that reality, bring your scars and hold your head up high and cry out: "Enough!"

What is to be done?

You can listen to the Baby Magic Podcast for inspiration.

You can join my Traditional Birth Attendant seminar.

You can reach out to me or to any of the fine women on our podcast for community, information, wisdom.

You can reach deep into your womanhood and remember that you are strong! You are magical! I love you!

For those of you who have a legal interest:

Here are the restricted practices in Quebec:
"Any act the purpose of which is to provide the professional care and services required by a woman during normal pregnancy, labour and delivery and to provide a woman and her child with the professional care and services required during the first six weeks of a normal postnatal period constitutes the practice of midwifery. The professional care and services concerned consist in
(1) monitoring and assessing a woman and her child during pregnancy, labour, delivery and the first six weeks of the postnatal period, and include the provision of preventive care and the detection of any abnormal conditions in the woman or child ;
(2) conducting spontaneous deliveries ;
(3) performing an amniotomy, performing and repairing an episiotomy and repairing a first or second degree perineal tear or laceration.


In addition, in an emergency, while awaiting the required medical intervention or in the absence of medical intervention, applying suction, conducting a breech delivery, performing manual placental extraction followed by digital exploration of the uterus or performing resuscitation procedures on the woman or newborn also constitutes the practice of midwifery."
(http://legisquebec.gouv.qc.ca/en/ShowDoc/cs/S-0.1
In Ontario, they are much less vague:


"1. Communicating a diagnosis identifying, as the cause of a woman’s or newborn’s symptoms, a disease or disorder that may be identified from the results of a laboratory or other test or investigation that a member is authorized to order or perform on a woman or a newborn during normal pregnancy, labour and delivery and for up to six weeks post-partum.

2. Managing labour and conducting spontaneous normal vaginal deliveries.

3. Inserting urinary catheters into women.

4. Performing episiotomies and amniotomies and repairing episiotomies and lacerations, not involving the anus, anal sphincter, rectum, urethra and periurethral area.

5. Administering, by injection or inhalation, a substance designated in the regulations.

6. Prescribing drugs designated in the regulations.

7. Putting an instrument, hand or finger beyond the labia majora or anal verge during pregnancy, labour and the post-partum period.

8. Administering suppository drugs designated in the regulations beyond the anal verge during pregnancy, labour and the post-partum period.

9. Taking blood samples from newborns by skin pricking or from persons from veins or by skin pricking.

10. Intubation beyond the larynx of a newborn.

11. Administering a substance by injection or inhalation as provided for in subsection 4.1 (2). 2009, c. 26, s. 16 (1). (https://www.ontario.ca/laws/statute/91m31)"

Unassisted Childbirth

I wrote this post about ten years ago ... nothing much has changed in the system, but we are seeing a growing number of women choosing to birth outside the medical system.

Back in the good old days, when I was a subsistence farmer in paradise, I had a friend who told me her birth story. This was before I started working with birth, but not before I had already started studying and learning, and listening to women's stories.

 

Friends Sharing Birth Stories

My friend's first baby had been a breech who did not want to get her head down. The policy at that time in Italy, as in many places, was to deliver breech babies by cesarean section, especially if the woman was a primipara.

So, my friend had a c-section, and she did not feel good about that birth at all. She thought that it was probably possible to give birth to a breech baby vaginally, and she felt pushed into making a decision that did not feel right to her. She decided she didn't want to go back to the hospital again to give birth.

She became pregnant again, and decided to stay at home this time and give birth on her own terms. She looked for a homebirth midwife but at that time in Italy they were a rare breed, especially if you were living in the hills as all us organic subsistence farmers did. She prepared by reading about natural birth, and she made sure she had methergine in the house - they always had it on hand for the goats.

Labor started and she sent her husband and child out for the day. She didn't want her daughter present for what she knew was going to be an intense and possibly scary event.
This was before cell phones, and they didn't have a phone, so he planned to come back around suppertime. She labored on her own and late in the afternoon, gave birth to a healthy baby.
"Were you scared?"
"Yes, I really wanted to have someone else around. I remember when I started pushing, and I felt a cervical lip, and I gently pushed it out of the way - I really wanted someone to be there with me. But I knew everything would be okay - I had a feeling. And if it wasn't ok, then it wasn't. I did it my way."

There is a growing movement that promotes unassisted childbirth as a way to regain control over your own birth, and there are many valid reasons for not wanting anyone at all from outside your circle of family and loved ones to be present at the birth of your child. It is, after all, a natural event, more like lovemaking than like a medical procedure. The presence of a stranger, even a well-liked one, can change and disturb the process. Midwives can be regulated by laws that perhaps don't agree with a woman's perception of how she wants her birth to proceed. 

I often get calls from women who are planning to give birth without attendants. They want information, or they want to find someone to be a "fly on the wall" - who can be there "just in case". Most of these women are women who have not been able to find a registered midwife - either they didn't call early enough, or they live in the wrong area, or they are considered too high risk for a homebirth. They don't really want an unassisted birth, but they are committed to not wanting to go to the hospital unless they really have to, so they are left with unassisted birth as their only option. Because we Canadians are used to free health care, cost is also a consideration. Unregistered midwives charge around $2000 for prenatal, birth, and postpartum care (that works out to about $10.73 an hour, in case you're wondering). Many women do not feel that this amount is an option, and, again, make the choice to give birth "unassisted".

I firmly believe in a woman's right to choose what's best for her body, and for her life. If a woman chooses to give birth on her own, or just with her partner, or her sister, in her own home, then power to her! She is making an adult choice, and she is accepting responsibility. But I do feel sad when women want to have the care of a midwife and cannot.

No woman should have to give birth on her own if she doesn't want to. Midwifery care should be available, really available, to any woman. Homebirth should be an option for us all. Unassisted homebirth is only one option, but it should be an option that is actively chosen and not decided on for lack of other plans. Equally, hospital birth is only one option. Health women carrying healthy babies should not have to go to the hospital to give birth unless they actively want to. Informed choice should be a reality - it should be informed, that is, women should educate themselves and each other, and they should ask for informtaion from their care providers. And choice should be a real choice with real options - unassisted, home birth, midwifery care, hospital birth.

Let's work together to bring the woman and child back to the center of maternity care!

She's Too Radical

When I look in the mirror these days I see a caricature of Mrs. Tiggywinkle. My body changed over the past ten years. Even though I still run four kilometers three or four times a week, and I feel quite fit, more or less, my shoulders have changed shape, my waist has thickened, my grey hair is down to my bum but no one ever sees it because I wrap it in a scarf, and...well, I feel different.

Mrs Tiggywinkle, however, is a laundress. She is an independent female: round in shape, granted, and she is a little perhaps neurotic, but she takes care of herself, of her small house, does other people's laundry AND makes friend with a little girl in distress.

And she's got fearsome prickles.

Is she radical?

I met a prospective client the other day. Lovely woman, nice partner. She had heard about me through one of the long grapevines that eventually lead my way. I'm not big on advertising, publicity, I never wanted to be on Oprah, and I don't have a fan club. So people usually hear about me from other women in a round about way.

But this lady had gone through a list of doulas in Montreal, found them wanting, and came to me. And she expressed one doubt, which was that I may be "too radical".

Radical has its root from root: from Late Latin "radicalis" ("of or pertaining to the root, having roots, radical"), and from Latin radix (“root”).
And the definition is: Favouring fundamental change, or change at the root cause of a matter. 

What is the root cause of the birth matter? I believe the root cause of abusive maternity care shares its root with woman abuse in every aspect of our lives. So, in "favouring fundamental change", I am going to go to the root of the matter. I am not going to spout empty slogans and run other women's lives according to my agenda.

The root of birth abuse is a culturally useful and familiar disrespect for women in general, and for birthing women in particular. If I am going to practice as a radical doula, then my priority will be respecting the birthing woman. To this end, I will not persuade her to make choices that conform to me agenda. Ever.




The woman I met may have been imagining a furie, a Roman goddess of vengeance, guarding the door of the birth room with an eye to exacting payment for past wrongs.

The furie would insist that the woman follow her rules: no interventions, under any circumstances; upright positions throughout; lots of vocalizing required; partner hands-on at all times.







But radical doulas are not furies. We respect the desires of the women we accompany. We melt our egos and support the woman's choices. Our agendas stay at home. We are just and fair, possibly to a fault. It is a fine line between supporting a woman during childbirth and feeling like you are witnessing, indeed apologizing for, an abusive act that should be named. But in the naming, the birth process is damaged. Our role is to bear witness, to take notes, and to love the one you're with.

Rest, Recovery, Reflection, Renewal?

I am sitting on a hilltop in northern Italy, rather completely on my own. My dog is here. I'm surrounded by insects, animals (deer, wild boars, the odd wolf, badgers, and all that). I planned for a very active summer, running at least 40 k a week, which I love doing - running long distances is literally my happy place. But then some stuff happened and I got Covid and now I just feel cellularly tired. So every day I spend quite a few hours just sitting staring out at the view. 

And what I've been asking myself is that difficult, age old question: Who Am I?

When you spend hours alone, especially in a spot where silence is the overwhelming sound, you get a chance to really "dig deep" and find out what your questions are. I can't really believe that I have been inhabiting this body and mind and soul I guess for nearly 66 years and I still don't really know who or what I am. So, let me start at the beginning, well maybe not that far back but ... 

Names

I guess you all know the story about how Toni Morrison got her name. Toni she decided on herself, after converting to Catholicism at age 12 and naming herself Anthony. Morrison was her husband's name and she was stuck with it because when her first novel was published she was still using it as her legal name even though they were already divorced. There's an quote floating around from 1992 that goes like this: 

"I am really Chloe Anthony Wofford. That’s who I am. I have been writing under this other person’s name. I write some things now as Chloe Wofford, private things. I regret having called myself Toni Morrison when I published my first novel, The Bluest Eye.”

Well, the same kind of thing happened to me. I'd always been Niki, or Nicky when I was very young. Or Nicola when my parents were mad at me. Then in my forties I had a brush with religion - not Catholicism - and I was persuaded to change my name. So I changed it to Rivka, a name I don't even like that much, but who gets to pick their own name. And then my work as a doula, birth companion, teacher, author and my whole birth persona grew wings under the guise of Rivka Cymbalist and there I was, and here I am, just like Toni Morrison (ha!).

So, for now, Niki is reserved for my family and people who knew me before the Great Name Change. But I'm kind of getting tired of inhabiting two separate lives so I may just change my name again.

Bodies

Who knew? Bodies change. I thought the biggest change would be that infamous time when I grew breasts and got my period. Pregnancy was fun. I didn't have such a tough time with it, in fact I enjoyed growing babies. Birthing them was tough, but I really loved having little babies and children around, and breastfeeding, and those body changes didn't really bother me. Some fibroids, a touch of hyperthyroid. Nothing serious. 

Menopause was kind of a relief, no more monumentally Niagara Falls cycles. No more fertility, and I was ready for that, because I was happy with my five children. Did I think I'd overdone it? No.

But then, the thing is, everyone goes on about menopause because it's when a woman is no longer fertile and I guess biologically speaking no longer useful. But the body changes more dramatically and more quickly after the whole menopause thing is history.

I've written about this before, and I have to point out, it's not specific ailments that bother me - thank goodness - I'm healthy. But just like during puberty and adolescence, and I'm imagining anyone with body dysmorphia, I just don't feel right in my skin. Its like my clothes don't fit me right, except they do. My clothes fit, I still take the same size more or less, a medium. But it's my skin that doesn't fit. It feels weird, it's too loose, it's floppy, it doesn't feel like its mine. I look funny in the mirror, who's that old lady? Why is her skin all dry? damn it, why didn't I wear sunscreen for all those years? 

So that's the tunnel I can fall down when I don't remember to center and use moisturizer every morning. Yes, it is my body, yes indeed I am very grateful and proud of it, it's like an old car, just keeps on chugging. But I can't help it, it feels weird.

Profession

Oh goodness, could I just say I'm a witch? I guess not....but this is weird too because I think I studied witchery and magic my whole life, and science too of course. And poetry, and of course I learned all about having kids and all when I went ahead and had five of them. 

But my professional label doesn't exist, because I'm not a registered midwife. I'm a birth companion or whatever. My Impostor Syndrome kicks in frequently; sometimes I think my actual profession is "Impostor".

I've mostly been a mother. 

And the renewal part of this whole exploration? It's a deep, deep sense that change means pain, and from pain comes change. Life just doesn't stop, until it does. So, in a sense, my resting, my recovery, my reflections ... lead to a renewal of sorts which is a kind of an acceptance of the continually changing nature of my life: child, young woman, mother, older woman, mother, older woman, grandmother, mother, birth attendant, peace keeper, rebel, anarchist, runner, crone...

Safe Birth?

These days, we have all become experts at reading articles in medical journals, or studies, and we casually use words like "exponentially" and "virus shedding" and "evidence-based". So, I am not going to go that route again, and quote this or that Cochrane review that will further convince you that I'm right. I don't even want to think in terms of who's right and who's wrong. I want to go deeper than that. Way deeper. I want to explore what makes birth sacred, and what keeps it sacred, and therefore safe.

I have witnessed three newborn deaths in my doula practice. Two in particular stand out for me. One took place in a birthing centre, and the birth was attended by midwives. I was the doula. When it was clear that the baby was in serious trouble, the midwives, in their fear and panic, became insensitive to the mother's emotional needs. They told me, the doula, to leave. Mother felt isolated, abandoned, and traumatized even more than she had to be. These midwives, don't get me wrong, did everything they should have done medically, to try to save baby's life. But they completely ignored the spiritual, emotional, transcendent nature of birth. Conversely, I was present when another baby died soon after birth in the hospital. The medical staff provided a space where the parents could hold their child and say goodbye. The parents wanted me there, so I hovered, as a good doula does. The fact that they even had spiritual needs was fully honoured by the doctor, the nurses, and the orderly. 

Both mamas lost their babies. Both mamas grieved. But both mamas were not traumatized for years. Because one mother felt safe during her birth experience, and the other did not.

So, what can we do to keep birth sacred? I believe if the sacred nature of birth is remembered at all times, then the attendants will be naturally drawn to keeping the mother safe at all times. Sacred. Just play with the letters a little bit. Scared. Being scared during childbirth is something that has a physiologic root. When our bodies release the stress hormones that initiate the "ejection reflex", our busy brains interpret those feelings as "scared". I have attended the most natural, undisturbed, physiologic births where I have seen the mother become afraid at that moment. It passes, it's transient because it's just a reaction to a physiologic event.

But I've also attended too many births where the birthing mother was actually afraid. She was actually made to feel afraid by the words or actions of her attendants. I often found my job as a doula to be one of shielding, holding the sacred space, creating a human sound barrier between the abusive staff and the birthing mama. Scared destroys sacred. It degrades sacred, pulls it down, tears it apart. Scared does not belong anywhere a mother is giving birth. Even if you're the primary attendant, and you are scared because of something that's happening, your priority is to keep that fear from entering the space.

If a birth attendant doesn't believe that birth itself is sacred, then we run into problems. If you think it's just another medical procedure, then it makes it more complicated. But every doctor knows that a happy patient heals quicker and better than an angry or lonely one. So even if we're not talking "sacred" because some people are scared by the word, we can still try to keep the birthing mother happy, right? And a happy mother feels safe.

Our maternity care system is broken. Too many women go into the experience with no understanding, and they trust their medical caregivers of course, because why not? And they are sadly betrayed. They're told all sorts of scary things: your baby is too big, you're too old, you have a something percent of this or that horrible thing happening, you won't be able to stand the pain, your baby is too small, you live too far for a home birth, there are no midwives, you have to pay $10,000 before you can even think of birthing here, and on and on. Many, many women give birth just fine within the medical system, often with the loving attendance of a doula. These women are a testament to the strength of the birthing mother. But too many do not give birth just fine. They leave the hospital or the birthing centre traumatized and confused. Some traumatic birthing experiences literally take years to recover from. Other women live their whole lives with feelings of inferiority and a damaged sense of worth. Still others spend their whole lives to make the birth experience sacred and safe for other women (Yours truly!). 

There is a growing number of women who are taking the situation into their own hands, and their own homes. They are saying "no" to maternity care that is based on fear, and they're giving birth on their own terms, in their own homes, with people around them who they trust. Keeping birth sacred. 

I don't believe a normal pregnancy and birth belongs in a hospital. Hospitals are places where you go when your health is at risk, or you need surgery. Normal birth is sacred and belongs at home. The undisturbed mother feels safe, and everyone around her participates in the sacredness of the event. This has become clear during the current crisis, where the role of the hospital has been clarified by the event. 

But if we bring birth home, where it belongs, then are we sacrificing another kind of safety? If we don't have midwives who are trained in the art and science of attending Sacred Birth, then every home birth will be a "freebirth". Which is fine for those mothers who want that. But many birthing women want to have someone present, who knows about the things that can and do happen during birth, when it is important to have someone attending who knows how to respond.  

I'm asking questions. I don't have practical answers yet. I am grateful for you doulas out there who are still attending births in the hospitals, and I strive to support you as much as I can. I am grateful to the birthing women I attended throughout my practice, who taught and continue to teach me so much about Sacred Birth. 

Let's talk this out! Let's strive for answers! Let's change birth and keep it Sacred!