Decluttering and Re-Imagining

I have been de-cluttering my spirit over the past few months. I had descended into some bad habits over the years. If it only takes 30 days to initiate and maintain a habit, imagine how difficult it is to shed twenty years worth of bad habits!

But I realized that the best way wasn't in fact to navel-gaze for the rest of my life and try to figure out what I should keep and what I should throw out. The best way, for me, was to grab the toilet brush between my teeth, and to turn my back on habits that didn't make me happy, and to march into the sunset, toilet brush firmly held to remind me.

De-cluttering can mean anything at all! For me, it means moving towards play and saying "YES". It's so important to play. Ooooh, we are taught to feel so guilty all the time. I'm trying to break down my deep feelings of "having to be busy". If I'm not busy, what the hell am I taking up space for? What a silly idea. Plants aren't busy. But I'm not a plant. hmmm. 

I'd like to do these things: 

• freedive in beautiful water
• climb Mount Kilimanjaro
• work as a midwife again
• go into space and see the blue jewel of earth
• kiss my grandchildren as often as possible
• run long, long distances
• organize all my books into subject
• learn more about birds
• go dancing
• visit all my friends all around the world
• learn about the constellations
• spend months in the desert

What do YOU want to do?

The Magic of Meditation

I always tell myself I'm going to start meditating, then I do, but I only keep it up for about a month or so before other things become more attractive. Like running or sleeping. I've read a lot about meditation, and I know that physiologically it makes a difference to how our bodies process stress hormones, how our blood moves, and how our bodies function in general.

But since I'm not a meditator, how can I access the kinds of things I want from meditating, without meditating? What do I want to feel? How do I want to change my body and my mind? What's my goal?

My goal is inner peace. My goal is world peace. My goal is a healthier body. My goal is a better temperament. My goal is a better birth experience for women. My goal is to be a better person. My goal is to be the best ......

Hold it right there! "working on yourself", having a "goal" in terms of self-discovery or self-care, or healing from trauma or whatever... these are not useful. Why are we starting at a place where we are intrinsically broken? Why don't we start from that place where we are whole? If you can sit with yourself for one minute and be grateful for ... grateful for just being. For the little things that may give you pleasure in the here and now, then that is good. And that's all it is.

Life is made up of tiny drops in the ocean. Do something, it will have effects. Don't do another thing, that will have effects too. I try to experience that physiological state that I imagine meditating achieves when I lie in bed. I move my consciousness through my body and check where little glitches might be, and then I fall asleep. It's when I'm running that I can free my mind. When I run my goals disappear. I run to get lost. I run to lose mySelf. I run to run.