Trust Birth

What is that even supposed to mean anyway? Trust birth, trust life, trust death. These are all reasonably meaningless utterances.

Let's unpack a little here. 

The phrase came to my attention the other day when I heard through the gossip-vine that someone didn't want me to attend her birth, because I don't "trust birth", because I gave birth in the hospital. I'll start at the bottom of this pile, and we'll move slowly upwards. First, I gave birth in the hospital. Do I feel defensive about this? Well, clearly, yes. Because it's a pedestal upon which those of us who gave birth at home can dance upon and those of us who did it in the hospital can feel ashamed about. Me? I did experience much of the hospital brutality I witnessed as a doula, and then I decided to attend women in their childbearing year so I could facilitate them feeling good about their birth experiences. And I did that, time and time again. Did I experience my own powerful and transformative birthgiving? No. My power and transformation came through small, difficult baby steps.

Does every woman who gave birth in the hospital not "trust birth"? Should she not attend the births of other women, in case she gets scared and fucks things up? Does every woman who gave birth unassisted "trust birth"? Or are things, as so often the case, much more complicated than that? 

Let's break it down even further, and start thinking about the conflict between the medical system of understanding, and the story-based knowledge base that supports out-of-system birth. First, it's looked at as a dichotomy, which isn't true. Some doctors I've had the misfortune to work with in the hospital assume that because I'm a doula and support physiologic birth, I also homeschool my kids, don't vaccinate, and eat raw food. I may or may not, and its none of your fucking business, but we've got a bad habit these days of placing people firmly in airtight boxes. If I've given birth in the hospital, on the other hand, my package is that I give my children too many unnecessary antibiotics and vaccines, send them to school, and buy my clothes at WalMart. 

These are superficial and trivializing examples of a real problem both within and outside of the world of birth. We've decided that everything is either/or, and just as when you're buying internet service, people are seen as "bundles" and not as the intricate, messy, complicated, beautiful creatures they really are.

Now, let's have a look at what giving birth in a hospital actually means. What it actually means is that many, many women go into the hospital trusting that they will be treated with kindness, respect, care. (Are they "trusting birth"?) What often happens is that the people surrounding them in the hospital are coming to birth with a mixed-up, confused, and generally dangerous vision of what actually happens during human childbirth. I won't go into the details right here (but I'm happy to share them another time!) but for various reasons, the perceived risks and dangers of birth far outweigh the actual factual reality, which is that the huge majority of mothers and babies survive childbirth if they are not interfered with. The fear-based approach, however, actually precipitates emergencies, some of which are life-threatening.

Add to that our cultural and societal weirdness that assumes that women are weak (but not all women; the story goes like this: white women are weak and need protecting from themselves. Black women are understood to be very, very strong: so strong, in fact, that when they say something is wrong they are ignored). Add to this toxic soup our inability to accept the Mysteries, and the paradox that is the sexual and divine nature of childbirth and, well, you have a problem.

But not all women who give birth within the hospital system are abused! That's great, right? Oh, wait, but I don't want to hear any stories any more about a woman going in to give birth and ending up with someone else's fingers in their vagina while she is yelling "Please don't, please stop". (Notice she is saying please: we are so polite even in our worst moments). 

So as long as there is just one woman who still has to yell like that, while someone does an unnecessary vaginal exam or a brutal placenta retrieval or a killer fundal massage, I'm still convinced that hospitals are not safe for birthing women. 

And what are the options? Indeed. It is really lovely to be able to give birth in your own home, surrounded by people you love. Many women also want to have a woman present who has some birth wisdom, some experience, some skill. That woman will mostly be silent and invisible, but sometimes she'll peep in and make a suggestions or answer a question. 

Here's the role of a Birth Attendant described so beautifully by Lazarus Lake, who is race director for the Barkely Marathon, which is the most brutal endurance run in the world. The decision to simply witness and not interfere is a tough one, but can lead to so much transformation and joy!

"as a race director you have a responsibility not to let an athlete put theirself in danger.

at the barkley that can be a tough call.

the standing joke is that every barker starting lap 5

would be pulled off the course in any other event.

jasmin was damaged when she left on the third lap.

between 3 and 4 it looked like an open question if she would be able to continue.

but between 4 and 5 she initially looked like a corpse.

she perked up briefly getting her stuff together to start the last loop.

then her stomach rebelled.

watching her try and get things under control to leave i had an internal debate going on.

carl was really in charge

but he was occupied.

and i was supposed to step in and help him when needed.

i couldnt abrogate my responsibilities on a technicality.

so i needed to give the situation serious consideration.

normally it might be advisable to tell her she should get her stomach settled before leaving.

but this wasnt normally.

the clock was running

and every second had counted for a long, long time.

jasmin was not just some ordinary athlete.

she had proven herself many times over.

the weather was not life threatening...

but most of all she was on the verge of a transformative performance.

she deserved to decide the outcome of her race "out there"

so i just watched her head out into the darkness.

the rest of the story the world knows....

or knows most of it.

if you have not been "out there"

your mind cannot create an image of just how hard it is

nor of the sheer horror that is that course.

whatever superlative you went to apply to her performance,

it was better than that."

 "most of all she was on the verge of a transformative...." sometimes it is hard to watch a woman birthing her baby. Sometimes mother and baby need to work through so many challenges. Sometimes we have to step back and let the magic happen, and most of all, we have to trust the woman to decide the outcome of her journey "out there".

"Trusting birth" is another magical language trick that takes the focus away from the powerful woman who is bringing a new human earthside. I don't trust birth, I trust the woman. I trust her to do the work, to birth the baby, to put in the miles, to make her own decisions.