The Perfect Run? It's All in your Head!

The Perfect Run?

Does it exist? Of course it does! When you're out the door, on a beautiful day, with nothing to do but spend the next couple of hours running. Your shoes are perfectly tied, your clothes fit. It's a lovely warmish dry day. You didn't eat too much or too little, you have nothing to worry about ... you're in heaven! You're gonna have a perfect run!

Reboot.

Then there are those other runs, the ones from the dark side.

Yesterday I headed out for a long run - 3 3/4 hours worth - and I knew it wouldn't be good. I couldn't find the right clothes; my hair was itchy down my back; I realized way too late in the day I hadn't eaten enough, so I gobbled down some crusty toast and cashew butter just before leaving, and  tried to make a protein shake but I forgot to put the lid on properly, at least I was near the sink so when I shook it most of the explosion landed .... you get the picture. Anyway, I headed out and started putting those feet one after the other.

Reflections.

You know when you're running, and you feel pretty good, tall and svelte, running across a beautiful meadow in your mind? Then you catch a glimpse of yourself in a store window? That's right. There she was, Mrs. Tiggywinkle, bouncing along, with her pink bobble hat bouncing on top of her head. And she was going so slowly! She checked her watch. Yip. Going slow.

More Reflections.

Then I started talking to myself. I started trying to pull myself away from the gloom that had descended upon me over the past few days. The best way to do this, I find, is just to concentrate on the body. What's happening with my breath? Is my chest open? How are my shoulders? Is my torso straight? Hands relaxed by my sides? Is my jaw clenched? Head upright? How's my gait? Are my hips working well? How are my feet landing? That little knee pain I had, what's happening with that? How many steps am I taking per minute? They say 180 is good. For a while I run ...two...three...one ... two ... three ...all good.

Onward!

I decided I would run this 225 minute run in three stages: the first stage would be hills, up to "the mountain" and around there on the trails for a bit. I got there and there was still lots of snow. Staying on the roads and sidewalks was easier, so I lengthened the next leg and ran far, far into the east end of the city. The third leg was easier in a way: I knew I was going home and I knew I would achieve my time goal. But harder because I'm learning that at around the three-hour mark I get kind of bored with my own company, and my legs start to get a little heavy.

I had some fancy sports jelly-beans with me that helped with my energy level, and a nice backpack with water, so physically I was set. But mentally? Not good! My mind wouldn't stop burrowing around with this and that thought, and any time I would catch one of those squirrelly things, it would run away and then sneak up on me a couple of kilometres down the road. Thoughts of my finances, the cafe finances; my kids and if they are happy; my husband and our life together; the refugees I didn't really help much in Greece last year; why refugees anyway; why is there evil in the world, and I would remember to concentrate on my breath, my gait, my steps ... and have a little peace and then it would all start again.

The Triumphant Return

Anyhow, I ran home, stretched, ate a burger, and all was well.

Yes, reader, you guessed it.

I had a great week! Really! Okay, the cafe was packed (yay!), I had lots to do at home to prepare for Passover (yay!), I got my two short runs in and my cross-training (yoga - yay!), and then BOOM!

Friday afternoon I'm clearing my flowers (spring -yay!). I did a nice deep squat and could hardly get up - my knee!! So, RICE for the weekend, and no stairs, and no running, and no long run especially (it was gonna be four hours) ... and a lot of time to think.

Yes, "we are made of dreams and bones". Bones, muscles, fascia, all that physical stuff ... super important, especially when you're training to run a marathon. Also when you're giving birth, making love, eating...But the "dream" part - without that, we're nothing! If you don't have that dream, rather, if you allow yourself to grumble instead of dream; if you bring your unhappinesses  "along inside your soul", and let them drag behind you, then your body will suffer.

Lesson Learned?

The lesson I learned from my knee? Just as I check my water, phone for music, watch, that I'm wearing the right clothes for the weather, that I've had my last-minute pee and that I've eaten enough ... I need to check my mental state and throw my emotional garbage out before my long run. Because if I don't, it will grind away at my joints, crumple up my fascia, brittle down my cartilage and generally make a mess of things - the longer the run, the bigger the mess.

In life, as in birth work, as in running - leave your ego at the door, lace up, and go have fun! You will get your perfect run.

My Personal Best: Training for A Marathon

The Hypothermic?

A couple of weeks ago I ran a race aptly titled the Hypothermic Half Marathon. I'm training for a marathon now, and I'm well past the half-way mark, and my long runs are long ... so I figured I would like some company for this one, so I registered and ran.

It was fun! I chopped nine minutes off my previous Half Marathon speed (2:24:21 from 2:33:31 if you're interested). I had a hoot! I started off right next to the 2:30 bunny but I realized I was able to go faster and steadier on my own, so I did! But a couple of other women in my category ran faster than me, so I ended up third. But as the oldest woman in the race (over 500 people) I did well.

So? Why do I do this? Why do I run and train and sweat, and then write about it?

Reasons Why I Am Training For A Marathon

One main reason: because I CAN. And don't get me wrong, I'm not ignoring those who CAN'T. In fact, I think about them every day. I think about my cousin Becky, whose every day must be a marathon. I think about the Syrians I met last year, who spend their time figuring out how to rebuild their lives. I think about women everywhere who are too scared, too sick, too busy, too sad to go outside and play, and I've decided, after a lifetime of dedication to caring for and helping those less privileged than I, that I am gonna run to my heart's content, and hope that my happiness fills the world and makes it a better place. (Check this out if you really want to make a difference!)

Other reasons too:

because, weirdly, running teaches me about life. Training for a marathon actually shows me how better to live my life. How does that work? I have a goal these days, and that it to run 26 miles FAST. To get there, to succeed, I have to plan. I have to be determined, and dedicated, and disciplined. I have to sleep, eat, and drink right. I have to do my short runs and my long run every week, without fail, unless I'm injured or sick.

And how on earth do I do that?

With a cafe to run, a family to care for, a house to keep clean, and an online business to grow (so that I can start my nomad life in a few years, but more on that in a bit). Oh, and did I mention I'm hosting a Retreat this summer? So, yes, training for a marathon has allowed me to understand that there's one thing that makes the difference, given that the physical playing field remains the same (I am not sick, injured, or living in a dangerous place, or without food), and that is my attitude. The way I look at my life, or my training, or my family, husband, my cafe, my running buddies, even my dog, or my bank account ... the way I look at everything colours how I can perform. Not just at a race, but behind the counter at my cafe, on the phone with a student, hanging out on the couch with my husband.

Zen of Running?

What is this magical way, then, Yoda? It is the way of the run: to take one step after the first, and then the next and the next. To be fully conscious of the steps, of the way your body moves, how it fits into the space around it. Is my body tall and light? Am I crouching down? What is hurting? How can I fix it? Where is my breath? I need to breath slowly and surely ... in ... out ... in ... step ... step ... step ...

This weird and frivolous hobby has taught me that to be in the moment and to love what you are doing when you're in it, is the key to happiness.

Other reasons why I am Training for a Marathon: I love how my legs are getting bigger and bigger.

Secret Club

Also, I have discovered a secret club that I am now a member of. It's the club of other people like me who love to run. We love to play, and speed our bodies around town or country. It's a club where, even though I'm 61, and I don't wear Lululemon, and I don't go that fast ... when I pass a runner in Montreal, Toronto, Lisbon, Italy .... Greece ... we give each other the secret nod and let each other know we know. It's a club where I can chat about long run nutrition for at least a half hour to someone I've never met.

And don't forget the bling! When I'm running a race, people I don't know high-five me. "You got this! Oui, Madame!" At the end, I get my lovely medal, and feel great, and that sense of accomplishment fills my heart. I know I've done something. Nothing too controversial, or too demanding, like getting involved with refugee politics, or being a midwife, or trying to change the world. Just a race, one step at a time, one breath at a time, one smile at a time.

A Week In Italy: Summer Retreat 2018

Here are the details of our upcoming Summer Retreat 2018!

[caption id="attachment_668" align="alignleft" width="269"] Our Mountain Hideaway[/caption]

Where?

The venue is in Tuscany, Italy, far up a mountain road, where the Cymbalists bought a piece of land and a ruined shepherd’s house 15 years ago and created a haven. Sleeping accommodation is rustic, either sharing a room or sleeping in a tent. Food is abundant and vegetarian. Our dog Stella will be there to welcome you!

 

[caption id="attachment_675" align="alignright" width="225"] Stella, Hollyhocks, house[/caption]

 

What Do We Do?

Each day we will have a theme to explore and deepen our understanding. We will walk, meditate, rest, discuss, be silent, play, and be together or be alone. Here are our daily themes:

Tuesday's theme is “Meeting and Discovering”.

Wednesday: One word: what would you like to do when you’re here? Our theme today is “Words and Silence”.

Thursday: Today’s theme is “Playtime”. 

Friday’s theme: “The Process”.

Saturday: Sleep late. Free day. Today’s theme: “Joy”. Saturday evening, party!

The theme for Sunday is “Peace”.

Monday’s theme: “Memory”.

[caption id="attachment_667" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Let the light in![/caption]

Come away with us this summer to our magical mountain hideaway, and get energized for the year to come. I promise you won't look back!

Come Away This Summer!

Dear Friends,
I’ve been feeling the winter blues a little lately. I wonder if you have too. My life decisions recently have been huge but difficult. I’ve chosen to walk away from doing what I love, and I’m walking to different things (or running, actually. Literally).
My school is going through some changes - I am no longer offering group classes, except on demand, and I am moving towards individual mentorship, self-directed work, either in person or online! Super interesting and exciting. And I'm finding the time to build a new project that will unfold in a few years. Also exciting. And the present takes care of itself, with a large family, a cafe, and a marathon to run ...
It's so hard for us to take time off, to remove ourselves from our duties – even if those duties are ones we feel with the very deepest parts of ourselves that we MUST do. The tasks that we actually do have to do, time after time. Listening to an adult child. Comforting a small child. Spending time with a teenager who is growing before your eyes. Nurturing your intimate relationships.
Creating change. Working for what is right. Attending births. Writing for peace. Serving food.
And we get tired! And, of course, that’s ok. If you weren’t tired, it would be very clear that you weren’t fulfilling your potential. And not fulfilling your potential is not your way.
But that’s why, when you are tired, you need to reenergize so that you continue to reach your potential. Continue to care for others, to make change, to provide an example, to live well.
I'm really looking forward to the possibility of surrounding myself with strong, active (if a little tired) women - this summer, for a week.

Please make that first step. I am offering you the chance to spend one week in one of the most beautiful spots in the world, away from your work and your duties, surrounded by nature and the amazing people who will make up our group. I want to take care of you, and I will be there to facilitate, to guide, and to be silent when needed. (and my husband will cook...)

The first steps?
Check out the retreat: https://www.mbcdoulaschool.ca/summerbirthretreat.html
Like what you see? Pay the deposit. https://www.mbcdoulaschool.ca/store/p16/Summer_Retreat_%28deposit%29.html
Contact me! Leave a comment and I promise I will get back to you.

Making that first step is the most important thing you can do for yourself, today. I promise you won’t regret it.
With Love and Respect,
Rivka

Endings and Beginnings and Forevers

February 11 is a special day for me. Exactly 36 years ago today I persuaded the person I knew I would spend my life with to buy me a cup of tea. And so it began. We had five sons, ran an organic farm, traveled through Africa on foot, helped each other out when things got tough, lived in some wonderful places and some difficult places, fought with each other, loved each other through thick and thin, and we're still best friends.

We've started lots of projects together - the epic trips, the farm, the family. We've rebuilt a bunch of houses together - from the medieval tower, to the stone farmhouse, to our Montreal bungalow and the abandoned stone shepherd's house we hide away in.

I've started a bunch of projects myself, too. My doula practice, my doula school, the volunteer doula organization, my midwifery certification and practice. And recently my cafe, which is a family project, but the two main players are myself and my middle son. Although we couldn't have done it alone - my husband made most of the furniture and did the construction work we needed.

This year, I've been letting things go. So, this February 11 is about endings as well as celebrating beginnings and forevers.

I let my volunteer doula organization go a couple of years ago, but I finally let someone else eat the placenta that I had left in the fridge (metaphorically). I'm left with a lot of really beautiful memories of big-hearted, giving, conscious, energetic, fiery, intelligent people giving their time, love and energy to the marginalized families we worked with.

I am officially trying to let go of my lumberjack mouth. Those who know me well know that I am also rather fiery, and my upbringing in Calgary and drinking in the bars there taught me some excellent words to emote with. But I feel I should let them go.

I left behind my doula practice. I could no longer put myself into the dynamic of hospital birthing. I have so many amazing memories of the 500 or so families I worked with, and the true miracle of birth and of love with never cease to amaze me. I am honored to have attended every single one of these births.

I left behind my midwifery practice. Although I was certified to practice midwifery, my certification did not allow me to practice where I live, and when unregistered midwives in Canada and elsewhere started to be taken to court by the Colleges of registered midwives, I knew that was not an option. I am deeply grateful to all the families who asked me to attend their births, and those who had the courage to birth on their own when I let them know I could not attend.

I am leaving my doula school. This has been part of my life since 2003. I love teaching, learning, and participating in that process. But slowly and surely the numbers of people interested in my manner of teaching (radical, honest, not certificate-oriented, political) has dropped and I am not into marketing. So, again, I am left with many beautiful memories, and a deep sense of gratitude to all of my students.

But when things fall away, others take their place. I have an amazing cafe, a large family, and I so much to do! Novels to publish, marathons to run, retreats to host.

So, thank you for everything, February 11. May I have the good luck and good grace to be seeing you many more times in the future.

3 Lessons I've Learned Running

What Has Running Taught Me?

Running has taught me about healing. When I first started running after my father died in 2012, I didn't imagine I would be training to run my first marathon on Mother's Day, 2018. He died when I was away. I travelled frequently to visit him and care for him while he was in his last year of life, and when I left for Bali he knew and I knew that we would not see each other again.

It was tough coming back for the funeral. Our family didn't know how to do anything. It was very small, and he appeared to have made no friends during his retirement to a small provincial town. It was sad. Me and my sisters and mother had a tough time. There were arguments. Birthdays came right after his death and cremation. One of the days we were hanging around wondering what to do, my sister invited me for a run. I put on an old pair of her leggings and a pair of old sneakers, and we ran for about a half an hour. I was pooped by the end, especially as it ended with a hill and stairs. 

I was hooked!

Even though I didn't know it yet. By 2013, I was running on an old indoor track. Not outside, not during the winter (Yes, actually, there are some days that it's just plain stupid to run outside). That year was full of changes. My mother got sick. She travelled the world saying goodbye to friends and family.

She followed my father in March of 2014... my sister and I ran a couple of times while we were ushering her out of this life into the next. We did an awful job. Death isn't pretty in our family. She had the highest pain tolerance of anyone I've ever met, and I have seen a lot of people in pain (I figure I've assisted around 600 people give birth, and generally that's a pretty painful process). She broke her leg years ago playing pirates with the kids, in the vineyard. She jumped off a rock and "Ahoy!" a compound fracture. She breathed through it. Just like she breathed her way out of this life and into who-knows-where.

I decided I wanted to race. Racing doesn't have to mean that you're out there to actually race like a greyhound, unless you're an elite runner. For me, I'm racing against myself, and I want to get a decent time for my age and gender. I trained, kind of. I ran a few times a week, mostly on the flat suburban streets around my house. The longest I ran before the race was 13 k. That year, I also opened a cafe, where my mother's spirit might come and have tea or coffee and where she would have loved to hang out, if she'd been able.
I kept running.

Running has taught me about honesty.  I've been in labor for a ridiculous number of hours, all told, with five children and insanely long labors. I think I may have ischial spines that are shaped like Mobius strips, or something. Babies can't navigate through them. I've breastfed for years and years. I've hoed fields and picked tobacco, and raised boys. I've stayed with birthing women for hours and hours and days and days, while they navigated their own special journey through childbirth.

All that to say, I know about strength, endurance, and stamina.
But I also know, now, that our bodies are full of surprises. There are real flaws, like weirdly shaped bones or weak joints, or bodies with diseases or genetic conditions. There are the secret flaws that we don't know about until, suddenly, we do. I was sure for very many years that my difficult labors were caused by mistreatment. I built a whole career on that belief. Now I'm not so sure: running has provided me with information about my body that I didn't know before, and it has also taught me that it's ok. Our weaknesses, our flaws, our crooked limbs and joints: these are all part of ourselves that we have to cherish and love if we want to keep them running smoothly.

Running has taught me about persistence.

I started my Marathon project with a 26 week training plan. I picked such a long one because I wanted to give myself lots of time to train, and I wanted to have extra leeway if something came up, like the little glitch I had way back in December. Since then, I've been doing a long run every Sunday. On Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I run at least 5 k. I try to run fast for my short runs.

In the past month, everything has changed. December and early January were cold; record-breaking cold. I continued to run outside.

I was very fortunate - we went to Lisbon for a week and I ran there. People, this is runner's paradise! Hills, temperate climate, long running tracks next to the water, courteous pedestrians, other runners, and drivers. Heaven! The hills slowed me down a little, but the flat long runs were amazing.

Then back home. There's a common saying amongst runners "There's no such thing as bad weather, only bad gear." There are so many bullshit macho sayings out there. There is absolutely such a thing as bad weather, and Montreal has it all. There's no way it is safe to run on two inches of ice covered by two inches of snow. I can and have run in very cold conditions, and snow, rain, ultra hot and dry. I trail run at 875 meters, with a dog who cannonballs into me or completely on my own in the hills. But I won't risk falling and breaking a bone due to hubris. So, I've done my fair share of treadmill running this winter.

Treadmill running is tough because it can get boring. Not only for your mind, but also for your feet. What can I say? If you have to run on a treadmill, try to challenge yourself with intervals, good music, checking your form, watching your breathing. There's fine tuning you can do on the treadmill that you can't do so well when you're running outdoors, so be content with those benefits and don't feel too bad you're not outside.

I do run outside whenever I can though. Last week for my long run, I was super grumpy because the weather was looking really bad. There was an indoor track but I didn't feel like going. I packed up and headed for the gym - and discovered the weather was great and the icy sidewalks had become slush. Yay! I ran a good 13.4 k!

Now? I'm back on track, but grumpy as hell and feeling very anxious. Can I run a marathon? I look like Mrs. Tiggywinkle, small and slightly pudgy around the waist (5 kids). My hair is grey and my face goes red like a beetroot when I run. I sweat.

Running has taught me not to care about these little things. It has taught me to look at the bigger picture. It has taught me to be positive, to stick to a schedule, to never complain, to laugh at myself, to love life. 

Coming up in 2018!

2018 has started and is moving along quite nicely. I can't believe it's been a year since I went to Greece to work with the families there who were fleeing war and destruction in Syria and elsewhere. That was a life-changing experience for me ... more on that in another post!

But for now, I am motivated and excited to present some very interesting activities coming up over the next few months. At the Peace Cafe, 1002 Van Horne, Montreal, we host all sorts of events, and listed below are most of our doula-related activities, led by leaders in their fields from our Montreal birth community:

On the third Sunday of every month, doulas and anyone who's interested can meet at the Caffe della Pace, 1002 Van Horne, from 6pm until 7:30pm, to catch up, share birth stories and support. The next one will be on January 21, at six pm. 

Sunday, January 21, 9:30am-5:30pm, Yoga for Doulas One (Prenatal)

Wednesday, February 7, 6-9 pm, Postpartum Herbs

Saturday, Sunday, February 24, 25 9 am-5 pm, Supporting the Breastfeeding Newborn

Sunday, March 18, 2018, 9:30am-5:30pm, Yoga for Doulas Two (Labour and Postpartum). 

I am also hosting two very exciting events!

On February 6, 2018, my Radical Doula Study group will commence. This will be an eight week course for those wishing an introduction to doula care. It will also be a chance for more experienced and knowledgeable students (and myself) to come together and learn more about the craft, and also in the process to teach the incoming students. This is a different way of looking at knowledge, learning, and how we process: February 6, 2018 - March 27, 2018. 5:30-9pm, Radical Doula Study Group. Cost $400 for new students; $100 per month for advanced participants (ongoing).

AND for the first time, we are hosting a Summer Doula Retreat up in our mountain hideaway!!

Mountain Hideaway

It is so important to recognize when you need to take a break! If you are working with people and their bodies, you may find yourself tired, fatigued, "burnt-out", distressed, or even physically ill. If you're working with people on the edges of our affluent society, you may feel that you do not deserve a break, but you do! I propose a week in the fresh air, away from everything (limited internet access, be warned!). We will take walks and learn about the herbs that live around us; meditate; think and talk; be silent. We'll eat good vegetarian food, and strengthen our bodies and our spirits for the year ahead. We'll laugh and probably shed a tear or two.

Come away with me!

https://www.mbcdoulaschool.ca/summerbirthretreat.html