Thursday, March 6, 2014

Women's Bodies and Other People's Values


In Quebec, we are experiencing an interest phenomenon. A provincial politician is trying to be Le Pen. She is stirring up xenophobic and racist emotions rather effectively with some doublespeak that pretends to be about secularism and feminism. The target? Religious Muslim women. The fallout? Pretty well everyone who is not .. erm .. well, let's just say that anyone who looks a little different has experienced annoyance if not rage at this political acrobatics.

I am used to people using women's bodies as a battleground. From my days as a sexual abuse counsellor - and a direct action activist - to my days working in hospitals with birthing women, I have been witness to the phenomenon of the woman's body being argued over, manipulated, commodified, objectified, ground up and spat out.

And it has grown up, this violence against women. Back in the seventies, as a rape crisis worker, it was pretty clear what was happening. If you were a woman, and you were alone at night, or walking home from work, you were a target and you could be raped. If you were a prostitute or an indigenous woman, you could be raped AND killed. Simple. Violence against women.

But today, the violence is coated in pretty words. What do you call it when someone puts his hand into a woman's vagina without asking her or looking her in the eye? Its called rape. Birth rape. Doctors who manhandle and abuse women when they are giving birth say that they are saving lives. They are not. They are exercising their power.

Politicians who make silly rules about what women can or cannot wear may say that they are doing it "for the women" (yes, in South Africa they say that rape is "for the women" too, when they are raping a lesbian to convince her to change her preferences). They say they are doing it for the Muslim women's enlightenment and freedom. 
They're not. They are also exercising their power.

I suggest we ban the type of clothing that overweight, middle-aged Quebecoise women wear, when they should know better. Oh, the tight T-shirt over a middle-aged belly! Oh, the tight jeans over hips that should be covered! Oh, the dyed blond badly-styled hair! The polyester double-knit suits! The shoes that Cinderella's sister wore!

But it's different, you argue. Those badly-styled garments do not speak of a deeper moral code - a code that oppresses women (we are speaking of Islam here). They are just off-the-rack, cheap garments, bought without a shred of moral judgement or thought. Yes, you're right. It heralds the victory of the mediocre fat lady; the no-brainers; the thoughtless violence; the amoral assholes who parade as sensitive do-gooders.

I went to a birth once with a lovely student of mine who wore a see-through spaghetti strap tank top and a fake leopard-skin miniskirt. It was a Montreal summer - hot and humid. In the greyish hallways of the hospital she looked like an angel from heaven - hot, sexy, and happy. The birth was a lot of fun: the birthing mother didn't take any shit from anyone and she gave birth on her hands and knees, even if the physician couldn't handle seeing her vulva "upside down". After the birth we ordered sushi.

Another of my fondest memories was a birthing woman who was dressed completely top to bottom: hat, wig, robe, undershirt, bra, panties, stockings and socks. She removed the panties and stockings to give birth but everything else remained. Her husband, who was not allowed to look at her, sang throughout her labor, and told jokes. She laughed that baby out. The room was full of love.

I have seen women's legs held down, women's bellies jumped on, women yelled at and berated. I have listened to doctors, nurses, and midwives tell women what to do; what to say; what to feel; how to move.

When will we rise up against this banal mediocracy?




Thursday, February 6, 2014

Birth and Pleasure!




Here are some highlights from the Birth Companions/DONA workshop with Debra Pascali-Bonaro last weekend. We started out sitting around in a circle, with notebooks at hand, listening intently to what Debra had to say...


Day One, Hour One


The room started to get a little messier and we all moved in closer to Debra, and to each other, as we started to get into her words and the concepts we were exploring together.

Moving Closer


Group Work
 
Debra explaining about positioning.

As I was saying - Birth is Simple! An introduction to the concept of pleasure during the childbearing year.
As the days progressed, we got to know each other better through working in groups of two, three or more. Women came from Nova Scotia, Quebec, and Ontario to participate in this gathering, and from such different backgrounds! But we found common ground and really connected.
And That's It!

Debra brought her birth cards out - a wonderfully innovative tool that really helps the new parents to imagine and understand what their options may be, and how one choice will have consequences on how the birth will unfold. The students played with these cards to learn how a doula can help the new parents to make choices prenatally. 
Working with the birth cards



I Love You

 Taking the time to treasure each other and ourselves.

WomanPower!


 We learned important techniques to use during labor and birth: the rebozo was a favorite! And of course the messiness of the room was no longer a consideration. We were getting down to the ground and having a good time!
Shimmying with a rebozo









Through active role play the students learned how they might act with a real woman in real labor. They used props such as birth balls, rebozos,


and learned about positions in labor, prenatal positioning, and some massage work.


Shake and Lunge!
 This useful tool hangs on a door (make sure it's locked!!) and a laboring woman can pull on it as she squats.
Deep Squat
 Finally, on Day Four, our babies were ready to be born. Our doulas comforted each other through active labor and used all the techniques they had learned during the final role play. They used birth balls, rebozos, positions, physical comfort measures, and a lot of vocalization! The room was alive with woman sounds: moaning, yelling, sighing, and laughter!




Thank you to everyone who made this workshop happen!

Monday, December 30, 2013

Debra Pascali-Bonaro in Montreal



Winter Birth Intensive
January 2014 
with Debra Pascali-Bonaro

Have a look at details here.

This training brings together Debra Pascali-Bonaro, one of the most experienced doula trainers in the world, famous for her dedication to joy in birth, and Rivka Cymbalist, author of The Birth Conspiracy.

WHO?

Those who take the workshop do not need a professional background, but should have the following: fascination with pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn babies; a desire to work with women or couples during this most meaningful and demanding time in their lives; emotional maturity; stamina; and reliability.

WHERE?

Montreal, Canada. 

WHEN?

The course will take place during four days (this includes the Introduction to Childbirth). 

Dates: January 25 to January 28, 2014.

Introduction to Childbirth will start at 8:45am on the morning of the 25th, so it will be advisable to reach Montreal on the 24th.

WHAT?

The DONA International Birth Doula Training covers all the basics of doula care before, during and immediately after childbirth.  This workshop has been approved by DONA International and counts for two steps toward certification. Please contact DONA for information about membership and requirements for certification as a birth doula.

WHAT IS THE COST?

Registration including accommodation US$875.00.
Montreal residents $700.00.


Monday, December 9, 2013

Women who want to be Doulas

Mamas, please let your babies grow up to be doulas.....

We started Level Two again two weeks ago - time is already flying - there's so much to teach and learn at every level! Two of the Level Two students are accompanying a birthing woman today, so they won't make it to class tonight.

I am so pleased to have met my new students. The group of women this year is very diverse, in age, background, experience... and yet we are all drawn by the desire to accompany women through the journey of childbirth.

I believe that all midwifery students should have to accompany at least fifty women through the birthing process (but even better one hundred or more), and that most of these should be in the hospital environment. Why is this?

Doulas learn to sit on their hands and let the birthing process unfold.
Doulas learn to keep their mouths zipped while they maintain a safe space for the woman.
Doulas learn respect.
They learn that the birthing process is unexpected. That it proceeds better when it is undisturbed, but that nature is pretty flexible with its rules.
They learn what NOT to do.
They learn humility, kindness, diplomacy, and they learn when to speak out and when not to.

We may all have our different ways of practice, just like we were all born slightly differently, just like we will birth differently. But we all practice companionship, which is the most important aspect of our care.

Learn to be a doula here.


Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Serendipity


“Our work in this area began when one of our medical students failed to follow the instructions for another study. She was only supposed to obtain the approval of primiparous, healthy mothers in early labor. They were then to go through the usual hospital routine, and the study was to begin at their babies' birth. She obtained the approval for the study early in labor, but stayed with each of 10 study mothers giving emotional and physical support until they delivered (family support was not permitted in this hospital). When we first heard about this error, we were upset, because all of these mothers and babies had to be removed from the ongoing study. However, when we looked more closely at the charts of these mothers, we found that they had unusually short labors. Surprisingly, three of these mothers delivered in the bed. This was unheard of in this hospital, because the focus of the delivery unit was sterility, and the rules of the hospital were that every mother was to deliver in a "sterile" delivery room. It is this serendipitous observation of altered labor with emotional support that has been the focus of our research for the last 10 years.”
Klaus, Marshall H. Touching during and after childbirth. In Field, TM (Ed), Touch in early development (pp19-33). Mahwah, NJ, Lawrence Erlbaum. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Birth and Beyond 2013


Why do I love this conference and the women who work so hard to make it a success every year?

Because it's fun! We get to play!

And for so many other reasons. We get to stretch our boundaries: just like the perineum stretches so nicely when a baby's head moves past it, so we have to stretch our ideas and preconceptions when we meet the motley crew of professionals, activists, birthing women, and others, who make this conference the best of the year.

We also have to think. The speakers and movers and shakers at this conference are really good at pushing us to look outside the box: Jodi Hall has a superb intellect, and her grasp of complicated ideas is truly stunning. She manages to light up those ideas for us lesser mortals, and challenge us to use our brain power while we take pleasure in the exercises she prepares for us.  James McKenna and Diane Weissinger speak science: let's start thinking about "what would mammals do?" Gloria Lemay does not suffer complacency lightly - she will always challenge you to a duel. Robbie Davis-Floyd can always be relied upon to: 1. present complicated papers on birth from an anthropologists viewpoint; 2. tell hilarious stories about the rock stars in the birth world and 3. be the amazing woman who starts everyone singing.

We have to compromise: the intactivists breathed the same air as those participants who choose circumcision. The registered midwives discussed their work with the not-so-registered.

And, best of all, the participants at Birth and Beyond are truly lovely: from different walks of life and different places, with stories and paths that sometimes converge and sometimes not. And, somehow, we  all manage to get along just fine. Well, most of us. And that's because, at Birth and Beyond, everyone doesn't necessarily share the exact same viewpoint.

We get to talk about interesting concepts like LOVE, like VOLUNTEERING, like CO-SLEEPING,  like ENTITLEMENT, like FEAR IN BIRTH, like WHAT TO DO, like LOSS?

We learn and go on learning, we open our minds and our hearts, we meet people we would not expect to meet.

This is above all a conference that is dynamic and alive. It is not political, it doesn't seem to subscribe to a certain political line, and that is the beauty of it. Melanie and Shawn have managed to get all of the ingredients together for an event that is going to keep on moving, year after year …. don't you want to be part of it?

Get involved! Birth and Beyond 2014

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Salut Pauline! Loving my adopted province!

Last week, Montreal Birth Companions assisted a woman to give birth. Her hospital stay was very long and she finally left with a bill of over $20,000.

She was one of the many women MBC assists who do not have medical coverage here, who give birth in our hospitals at great cost. Some of these women are domestics who have been fired by their employers. Some are women who are here on the wrong kind of visa to be pregnant (hey, Harper! I thought you were against abortion!). Some are here illegally because they are afraid of harm or death in their home countries, but they do not qualify as refugees.

This woman was the kind of Muslim that Madame Marois wants: modern, educated, no head scarf. Her reasons for fleeing her country were valid and I will not explain more. She was taken in by an elderly Anglophone woman until the baby was born.

She needed a place to live, so we finally found her somewhere to stay until she gets on her feet. She is employable and will be fine.

But - her birth and postpartum search for housing was such a typical Quebecois event! The new mother was a Muslim. She wears western clothing and no head scarf. She was taken in by a Quebecois Anglophone, who is very old and appeared to wear a dressing gown. Her doula was a Quebecois Francophone who is a political activist. She rides her bicycle most days and has a couple of piercings. Her second doula was also Quebecois, who is a member of the Canadian army. The mentor doula is a Jewish woman whose politics veer from left to anarchist. She wears a headscarf. The shelter where she finally found refuge is run by a Muslim woman from Malaysia who regularly provides food for one hundred people at a nearby church. She wears a hijab and a floor length gown. The journalist who was interested in the story is a member of a visible minority. We all spoke different languages: French, English, Arabic, Bahasa Malaysia, Italian... and probably more...

We are united by love and goodwill, and by the urge to change this world for the better. Some of us wear head coverings, some of us don't. Some of us believe in God, some might not. But this Quebec is the place I like living - where we all get by and get along, sometimes speaking in broken this or that, trying to get along because we believe that getting along is a good thing. It's the place I brought my kids so they would get an education, and they are getting an education, and they speak several languages, including the language of tolerance.

So, Pauline, even though you have a bunch of liberal feminists on your side, and some aging would-be politicians, I would like you to come and visit our Quebec: the Quebec where we help people who don't necessarily believe in the same things we believe in, or speak the same language as we do, or wear the same clothes as we do. And I would like to remind you that while you are doing your politics, babies are being born and friends are being made and bonds are being formed across all of your artificially constructed boundaries.