When the S!*@*#t Hits the Fan (and you get splashed)

Midwives have a kind of cute expression for it. "Meconium happens." Meconium is the sterile black sticky poop that babies have in their guts until they are about 3 or 4 days old. Some babies poop it out in the womb (not great). Others spray it all over everyone when they're being born.

I'm not big on euphemisms, generally. Let's talk it out and use the correct language, ya? But sometimes, you just feel like you've been crapped on.

Yip, and you're there, underneath the working parts, wishing you were on vacation. So, what to do? What do you do when someone poops their stuff out on you?

Unfortunately, this tends to happen more frequently when you are a caring person. I don't know why. The poor sod who has some stuff to work out doesn't really understand what's going on and they often regret their misdeed afterwards: "I don't know what came over me". Or they are so confused they think the whole episode is your fault: "Well you know I am sensitive about ... blah blah." We can theorize forever about what makes people tick, or explode. But ...

This kind of thinking is EXACTLY the opposite of what you should be doing. It's not about that other person. It's not about Frank Zappa, or whoever it was that just pooped on you. Imagine a newborn baby, slippery and new, who just happens to spurt meconium all over your clothes, face and .... everywhere. You don't blame the baby! Right?

How can we effectively live through the experience of being dumped on? First of all, this advice is NOT for people who are being physically attacked or threatened. I am talking about emotional dumps that make you feel bad, for an hour, a day or a year.

1. If it's something that happens over and over again with one person, you need to take a good look at the relationship and figure out what you're involved with. What is it inside you that needs that dynamic? Do you need to end the relationship?

2. If you've decided to continue a relationship, despite the occasional dump, you need to understand the emotional activity inside yourself when someone takes a dump on you. We react in two ways, and both ways involve a mental loop that keep repeating inside your head. Some of us turn the hate inside, and go into "poor me" mode, remembering ancient and not-so-ancient hurts, reminding ourselves of all the times someone wasn't nice to us, listening to that voice inside our head that says: "I hate you because you are a loser". Harsh.
Others react with anger, and take their anger out on anyone and anything around them. "How dare you do this me! I'm gonna hurt you bad, and also you, asshole, because you can't drive worth shit!"

Let's get to some fundamentals here: Peace. Love. Most of us want inner peace, and everyone wants love. So, how to get there? Best to avoid emotional road accidents. Like the midwives say, meconium happens. Really bad meconium can happen, stuff we have no control over. The least we can do, then, is regain some control over the things we CAN control. And we can start with our reactions.

Phase One: Person does an emotional dump on you. Breathe.

Phase Two: Distance yourself.

This is their poop. If you can't distance physically without making it worse, then go away emotionally. Be mindful. Feel your body. Let go of tension in your muscles. Breathe.

Phase Three: Disconnect the loop.

Remember, the other person is doing something, not you. Don't react. If the loop starts, go back to your breath. Feel your body. Breathe.

Phase Four: If you can, connect with the compassion inside you.

Look at the person who is having a fuss. Shine your love on them. Don't say anything, and don't get a sucky look on your face. Just sit with compassion and love. Breathe.

Phase Five: Get on with your life.

Do something physical. Yes, go for a run! Maybe take a break from the dumpster, if you can and you feel it is necessary. Have some fun. Be aware the looping can start at any time! Breathe.

Do Not:

1. Explain. No reason to! You do what you need to do. No need to rationalize, describe, justify.

2. Give advice. The person does not need your unsolicited advice. You can only protect yourself from damage if you fortify your own emotional immune system (using breath, mindfulness, attention to your body and by avoiding toxic activities like explanation, bad tape loops, and self-pity).

3. Take yourself too seriously. 

 

You can change the world! 

 

One good habit at a time. Join the fun side! Be mindful, be compassionate, be loving and kind. But don't make a comfy house for yourself underneath Frankie's toilet, or you're in for a world of pain.